


Not in the Routine

by Leorioismyhero



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Tattoo Parlor, Angst, Coming Out, Depression, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Funerals, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kageyama just really likes coffee, M/M, Piercings, Pining, Slow Burn, dont worry no major character death, jk, yet - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:34:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 26,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23740150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leorioismyhero/pseuds/Leorioismyhero
Summary: “Order for…. I’m not saying this.” Sugawara started cackling as the red haired guy ran up.“You have to say it!” The guy shouted. “I paid money for it. Sugawara spent all that time writing it!”“It did take the entire time you finished that cup of coffee,” Sugawara raised his eyebrows. “Just do it. For the customer!” The red haired guy did his best puppy face impression. Kageyama thought it looked stupid.Kageyama lives his life by the book. But the book can be rewritten.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 104
Kudos: 219





	1. Chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> I'm new to publishing fanfiction! Please comment suggestions on how I can get better!  
> There will probably be more relationships and characters. I will update the tags as the story progresses! I hope to get a chapter finished every Sunday.  
> **EDIT: I still want to get a chapter finished at least every sunday, but I've been updating daily so far.

Kageyama worked hard for the things he had. His apartment, college, job, and social life were all products of his calm, steady work ethic. Routine, routine, routine. That was the mantra that pushed him through life. Unfortunately, fate doesn’t like routine.

On the last day of the semester of his junior year, Kageyama woke up on the wrong side of the bed. His head ached, his hair wouldn’t smooth out, and no amount of coffee would lessen his tired mien. And Kageyama loved coffee.

He had only slept for about five hours, a sad consequence of cramming for his finals. Unfortunately, math and English classes were not his strongest suit and both finals were today.

“C’s get degrees!” Kageyama remembered Tanaka yelling encouragingly at him, but Kageyama hated seeing his hard work yielding anything less than excellence.

“Yeah, but A’s pay,” Kageyama said desperately. He didn’t know how he was going to pull through this semester. He was already broken up about making a B, but a C was inevitable.

“Oi, shut it. You rock at setting and that’s what really matters.” Tanaka smirked. Kageyama felt exhausted. “Mine rhymed better, so it was better.” Kageyama didn’t know what rhyming had to do with his competence, but he let it go.

Tanaka was a good friend. Even though he exhausted Kageyama in every mode of existence, he was reliable. Albeit a loose cannon. Kageyama didn’t think too hard about the contradicting existence that was his friend. They were there for each other and that was what mattered.

Now, as Kageyama trimmed his nails at 6:30 in the morning, he could only hope his hard work would help in the end.

It didn’t help much. As Kageyama stared at the problem laid out before his eyes, he realized that while he knew how to do this problem in theory, the connections he needed to draw in between the steps were lost.

_I know at some point I need to square this side of the equation, but why? And When?_

He eventually scrawled some mess of an answer and accepted his fate. This was a class that was doomed before he started. _C’s get degrees,_ he thought miserably.

After his dreaded testing finished, he rode the bus to work.

“Kageyama! How did the exams go!” Kageyama sighed and glared up at the cheeky coworker. “I see. not too well.” Sugawara smiled kindly at him. “Well, it hasn’t been too busy today so hopefully you can finally get a break.”

“Yeah.”

“Eloquent as always,” Sugawara quipped, rolling his eyes. “Put on your apron.” Sugawara worked with Kageyama ever since he started the job. They worked together in a quiet café. It was small but had a welcoming feeling every time he walked in. Kageyama put his all into the job. Most people that came in were put off by his less-than-courteous demeanor (which had caused more than a few misunderstandings), but all regulars knew how much he cared about the job. Surprisingly, service was where he thrived.

Kageyama was a wizard at coffee. He had a healthy respect for all types. He liked it bitter, sweet, hot or cold. This made him a great barista for both the picky, critic coffee drinkers and the sweet-toothed drinkers that treated it more as a dessert. Kageyama would drink coffee no matter how it was served, but he erred more on the bitter side when he made his own. So much expression went into a cup of coffee, and he loved to taste all of it.

Sugawara loved to make fun of him for it. So much passion lay behind his scowl, but only Sugawara and the occasional regular ever got to see it.

Before his shift started, Kageyama brewed an americano the way he liked it. An extra shot with one dash of cream. The first sip always tasted like ash to him so his scowl deepened. But then the flavor settled on his tongue and he could taste the cherry notes. He relaxed.

“Disgusting.” Kageyama’s scowl reappeared. “People aren’t meant to enjoy coffee as much as you do.” Tsukishima complained as he crossed his arms. “Please go drink that where I don’t have to watch you.”

Tsukishima and Kageyama’s relationship was best described as “toleration.” They fought a lot when Kageyama was first hired, but soon accepted each other’s abilities. Tsukishima may not have been a good barista, but he baked the most beautiful pastries and never had to speak to customers. Plus, his shift often ended close to when Kageyama’s started. So their interactions were short and easy to deal with.

Kageyama turned away and walked towards the back, breathing in his coffee with every step. Stable, steady, calm. His worries over finals washed away, down his throat with the coffee. Kageyama imagined the test drifting along a coffee river. For some reason, Tanaka was also there, in his swimming trunks. Kageyama wrinkled his nose. He hated that Tanaka was shirtless enough that he could easily imagine that.

When Kageyama came back from putting his things away and sipping his coffee, He looked at the orders queued up. One was… an americano with an extra shot. And light cream. Kageyama looked up for the face that belonged to his exact order.

“The orange haired kid with the piercings,” Sugawara whispered to him. “He said he wanted to see what was so good that it made you stop frowning ‘like a dumbass.’” Kageyama made eye contact with him. The orange haired kid immediately jumped and hid behind his tall, lanky friend.

“Whatever.” Kageyama made the drink exactly like he drinks it, enjoying the smell. Maybe the guy had good taste.

Kageyama finished and looked at the name on the cup. “Order for…. I’m not saying this.” Sugawara started cackling as the red haired guy ran up.

“You have to say it!” The guy shouted. “I paid money for it. Sugawara spent all that time writing it!”

“It did take the entire time you finished that cup of coffee,” Sugawara raised his eyebrows. “Just do it. For the customer!” The red haired guy did his best puppy face impression. Kageyama thought it looked stupid. He knew he would never get to the next order if he didn’t do it.

“Order for Jugemu Jugemu Go-Kō-no-Surikire Kaijari-suigyo no Suigyō-matsu Unrai-matsu Fūrai-matsu Kū-Neru Tokoro ni Sumu Tokoro Yaburakōji no Burakōji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shūringan Shūringan no Gūrindai Gūrindai no Ponpokopii no Ponpokonā no Chōkyūmei no Chōsuke.”

The guy with the red hair burst into laughter. “Can you PLEASE send that to me, Suga?” Kageyama felt a vein throb in his head.

“Sure thing.” Kageyama slowly turned around, fury emanating from his very essence. Suga was holding his phone up, camera pointed directly at Kageyama. Kageyama was going to blow a fuse.

The kid skipped back to his friend and Kageyama glared at his stupid wavy orange hair, and his dumb lip piercings, and his idiotic mannerisms. This was Kageyama’s calm space, and he and Sugawara smashed all of that within seconds. Sugawara.

Kageyama turned slowly back to Sugawara, who now exhibited slight fear in his eyes. It was going to be a long shift.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama is tired

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I'd refrain from posting chapters for a few days, but I really liked this one and wanted to get it out asap. Hope you enjoy it!

Kageyama was tired. The next day, Kageyama worked a morning shift. Not just a morning shift, but an opening shift. Meaning he was going to have to arrive sharply at 5 am. And when he worked in the mornings, the only person to keep him company for the two hours before anyone else came would be Tsukishima. To rub salt on the burn, Sugawara, the mediator between him and Tsukishima, worked the afternoon shift. He was going to be in a bad mood again.

The first 10 minutes after his alarm went off were spent considering calling in. But he knew once he got there it couldn’t be nearly as bad as he expected.

It was bad. He could tell from the moment he walked in the door.

“The king of coffee returns to his throne,” Tsukishima sneered. Kageyama felt his stress level boiling for the quadrillionth time that week. Kageyama just started grinding beans for his coffee in reply. The loud blending drowned out Tsukishima enough that Kageyama could pretend he didn’t exist.

Kageyama inhaled the scent of the fresh grounds, feeling soothed at the earthy aroma. He recalled a time when it disgusted him.

“Just try it Kageyama!” Sugawara said. Kageyama had just begun his new job as a barista without ever having tried coffee. “I’m so sure you’ll like it. And,” Sugawara said with a glint to his eyes, “If you don’t like it, you know you don’t like it and can give better recommendations to people.”

“You said it was bitter. I don’t like bitter.” Kageyama couldn’t find a single reason to drink something bitter. Bitter things were meant to taste bad!

Sugawara shook his head. “Straight up coffee is. This is a latte. It has sugar and milk in it. Its kind of like coffee flavored milk. In a sense.”

_Milk_?

Sugawara must have seen the interest on his face. “Oh yeah. You love milk don’t you?” Kageyama nodded cautiously. “That’s another reason to try this! Pretend it’s a new type of milk.”

“I’ll try a sip,” Kageyama conceded. “But if it poisons me, you’re driving me to the hospital.” Sugawara held his tongue from calling Kageyama a drama queen, basking in the tiny victory.

Kageyama lifted the cup to his lips and took a tentative sip. It was weird. He couldn’t decide whether he liked it or not. But It wasn’t exactly bitter like he expected.

“See? It’s not that bad. But to really taste the flavor of the coffee, you have to try it without milk. Don’t look at me like that! I won’t make you do it yet. But eventually you have to try more than lattes with sugar.

Kageyama felt a pang of nostalgia at the memory. He wished he could explain the notes and subtleties that went into coffee to his past self. He barely scratched the surface of what a latte could be. Now, he put as much of his soul into a cup of coffee as he did into volleyball.

As he finished making his drink, he topped the latte with his attempt at a leaf. A pretty standard latte art technique, but he could never quite get it right. Today it looked a bit more like a cloud… without ruffles. He would try again later. He’d never been an artist.

As he took a sip, he felt like he was standing barefoot in the middle of a forest. He could feel the bustle of nature around him. Another sip showed him the sunshine flowing through the leaves, radiating to his skin. A third sip made him scowl as he saw orange hair peeking from behind a bush.

_You’re not allowed in my coffee dreams_ , Kageyama thought at the red head. He finally drank the last of his coffee and put on his apron for his shift.

The rest of the day was busy. Every college student was going out before they left town for the break. Kageyama stayed on top of the stream of orders, though. Occasionally, he even helped take orders too. It was times like this Kageyama wondered if perhaps he should even be in college. Yes, he needed to be in college to play volleyball. But if his career after volleyball was running a small local café, that might be ok.

This idea was quickly forgotten when, as the business slowed to a lull, he heard something from across the counter. His own voice.

“…Ponpokonā no Chōkyūmei no Chōsuke,” the video finished as some giggles erupted. Kageyama quickly marched over to the source of the voice. The red-haired guy was oblivious to his new audience as he continued narrating the video.

“This is the best part, look at the glare he gives Suga afterwards. Aaaaand there! Bam!” The guy paused the video on Kageyama’s furious face. His companion, a blonde girl somehow shorter than him, noticed Kageyama and frantically gestured at him. “Are you ok, Yachi?” he asked, half concerned, half amused. “Do you need some water?”

“Hinata!” she finally choked out. “Turn around!” The guy- Hinata- looked behind himself and did a double take as he realized who was behind him.

“You have really shitty taste in coffee, you know,” Hinata crossed his arms angrily. “I wasted seven hundred yen on that americano and it tasted like ash!” Hinata crossed a line.

“You come into a quiet coffee shop, make me act like an idiot on camera, show the video to your friends, and then complain about my coffee tastes? You definitely did _not_ have to try my drink.” Hinata stepped closer to the counter.

“First of all,” Hinata said, turning his nose up, “It was Sugawara’s idea to record it.” Kageyama decided he would have a few words with Sugawara later. “Second, How do you drink that stuff?” Hinata cracked a smile. “Bitter and gross coffee for a bitter and gross person I guess.”

“Hinata!” Sugawara exclaimed as he stepped in the cafe, likely saving the short redhead from being throttled. Hinata’s friend Yachi looked as though her prayers were answered. “Need a coffee fix two days in a row, huh?”

“No, I need this dumbass to make me a new drink. His coffee taste is shit!” Sugawara’s eyes widened and looked for Kageyama’s expression, knowing this would not end well.

“We’ll get you a new coffee, Hinata,” Sugawara cut in before Kageyama could reply. Kageyama stormed back towards the coffee area, frustrated that he didn’t get to give the dumbass a piece of his mind. “What do you want?” Kageyama continued listening to the exchange, though pretending he was uninterested.

“Can I have a frozen vanilla latte? With whipped cream?” Kageyama rolled his eyes. No wonder the idiot couldn’t drink the americano. He was a sweet coffee drinker. Kageyama quickly and quietly made the drink, ready for the idiot to finally leave.

“Aren’t you in school, Hinata?” Sugawara began conversing as Kageyama diligently made the latte. “Will you be going home for the semester?”

“Kinda. I’m not a full-time student, but I’m taking classes at the university. And no, I live here in town! So I don’t have to go anywhere.” Great, he was going to be here year-round.

“Doesn’t your family live out of town, though?”

“Yeah but I don’t—”

“Here’s your latte.” Kageyama threw it at him with his eyes, but really sat it gently like he would a delicate ornament. The coffee didn’t deserve that, even if the asshole did.

“This is coffee!” Hinata exclaimed. “Thanks!” Kageyama always felt content with his work, but whether it be for a kind friend or the glorified cabbage patch kid before him, the look on a happy customer’s face made him truly happy deep down. Way deep down.

“Well Kageyama, now that I’m here I can take over. You’ve had a rough week right? You should go relax for a bit.” That, Kageyama couldn’t argue with. Kageyama thanked Suga graciously and started out the door when a loud voice assaulted his ears.

“Bakageyama!” Hinata yelled out the door. Kageyama turned and waited for Hinata to catch up to him, his patience already drained to a fraction of what it once was. “You should put more whipped cream on your drinks.” Kageyama was done. He quickly grabbed the idiot’s shirt and wound his arm backwards.

“That’s it—”

“Kageyama!” Sugawara poked his head out the door, fury in his eyes. “Go home!” The shrimp was rescued for the moment as Kageyama turned and trudged away, not looking back to see the indignant threats coming from Hinata. Kageyama was so, so tired.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata and Kageyama both have their share of problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... really have trouble holding myself back from posting the chapters I write. I think I'm gonna start trying to get one out every day, but at least one a week (to give myself leeway)  
> Hope you enjoy this one! The plot is starting to develop!

“Why is he still allowed here?” Kageyama ranted to Sugawara during their next shift. “He has no respect for coffee!”

“I can remember someone else that used to have no ‘respect’ for coffee,” Sugawara ventured. Kageyama scowled deeper.

“I at least had respect for people that obviously knew more about it than me. Also,” Kageyama pointed at his chest dramatically. “ _I_ was only fifteen when I began here. He’s an adult!”

“The last time I’ve seen you this annoyed by someone was when you met Tsukishima for the first time,” Sugawara said with a concerned expression. “Can’t you do what you usually do and ignore his existence?” Kageyama sighed, and Sugawara scrambled over his words. “I didn’t mean that you can’t talk about it, of course! But I was just wondering what makes him so much more irritating than any other customer.”

“You’re right. I really should just ignore him,” Kageyama was serious. He didn’t know why he let some dumbass disrupt his calm routine like this. He would forget about everything by tomorrow.

“I think its important to note, Kageyama,” Sugawara placed a hand on his shoulder gently. “I doubt Hinata really meant to offend you. He really just tends to speak his mind without filter. He really is well meaning. He probably really meant the whipped cream thing as a helpful tip to improve”

“How do you know him anyway?” Kageyama asked. They seemed to be good friends even though Kageyama had never seen the punk in his life.

“He’s a regular! He just always comes in while you’re in class. Or,” Sugawara thought about it for a second. “Probably right when you get out of class. He was late on Friday, though.” That explained it. Kageyama wondered why he had the misfortune of seeing him twice in a row. “Give him a chance, Kageyama. He’s a pretty good guy when you get to know him.”

Kageyama’s shift ended and he checked his phone. 3 messages from Tanaka.

_3:05 pm Hey, come to Noya’s today._

_3:06 pm We wanna play volleyball but none of us can set_

_3:08 pm Ill be there at 6 if u wanna come_

Kageyama was excited. He hadn’t gotten a good practice in since finals started.

Hinata blared loud metal as he cleaned his tattoo machine. He had several customers already and he was ready for a moment to himself. Daichi watched Hinata from the other side of the room, waiting for his next appointment. The loud, excitable Hinata that he’d grown accustomed to became enigmatically calm and absorbed into his work. It was like a switch flipped; the moment he stepped into his space, he was in a zone. But today he seemed more focused than usual, and Daichi was a bit worried.

“Hinata?” Hinata hummed in acknowledgement, though it didn’t reach Daichi over the blasting music. Daichi sighed and stretched backward before trekking across the parlor. “Hinata,” He said with more finality in his voice.

“Yeah.” Hinata didn’t look up from the piece he was wiping thoroughly. Daichi lowered the music to a volume more appropriate for the store.

“Hinata.” Hinata finally looked Daichi in the eyes, and Daichi saw what he feared. A bit of sadness hung in his lower lids, and a gloss over his eyes, as though tears were threatening to release. “Are you doing ok?”

Hinata pressed his lips together. “Yeah.”

“Are you sure?” Daichi raised his eyebrows, concerned. “Do you need to cancel the rest of your appointments today?”

Hinata quickly shook his head. “No! I’m fine. In between appointments I just… remember stuff.”

“Stuff?” Daichi put a hand on Hinata’s shoulder. “You can talk about it if you need. The next appointment isn’t for another hour.”

“I’m making a bigger deal out of it than it needs to be,” Hinata sighed, wiping his eyes. “I just-“ He exhaled exaggeratedly. “Haruka broke up with me last night. She- it was kind of unexpected.” Daichi retracted his hand from Hinata’s shoulder and sad down next to him.

“Do you know why she did? And is there a chance you’ll get back together?”

“I… don’t want to talk about it. But no, we won’t get back together.” Hinata looked at Daichi, a tear finally forming in the corner of his eye. “I promise, I’ll be good by my next appointment. I just need something to drown things out. He wiped his tears and smiled. “See? I’m good to go.”

Daichi smiled and patted him on the shoulder. “Don’t forget, you have lots of friends that are here for you if you need it.” He stood up, gazing at a group beginning to walk in.

Hinata sighed and turned the music back up a bit, busying himself with the cleaning again while Daichi tended to the group that apparently wanted piercings. Hinata didn’t look at them, hiding the tears shining red on his eyes still, but was surprised to hear a familiar voice.

“You’re too straight-edge, Kageyama!”

“No, I am perfectly normal,” Kageyama insisted.

“You’re like a middle aged man in the body of a twenty-one year old!” Nishinoya shouted obnoxiously as Kageyama went in for a toss. “Be a college student bro!”

“I am in college, so I’m a college student. I don’t have to party and get piercings to prove that. Especially not to you.” Kuroo caught the ball instead of hitting it and turned to Kageyama, eyebrows raised in a silent judgement. “Come on! That was the perfect toss,” Kageyama groaned. “Can we play instead of worrying about my boring life, which,” Kageyama glared directly at Tanaka, “is perfectly fine to me by the way.” Tanaka threw his arms up in not-so-convincing concession.

“You can be boring if you want. But don’t blame us when you never find a girlfriend.” Tanaka swooned mockingly, pitching his voice up and reaching for Nishinoya’s hand. “Oh, Kageyama, tell me more about how Arabica coffee differs from Colombian!” He fanned his face exaggeratedly. “Please, hit another waterbottle with a volleyball, but only with the perfect arc!” The whole group laughed maniacally at Tanaka’s impressions. Except Kageyama.

“Who said I wanted a relationship?” Kageyama exclaimed. “I wake up, I go to school, I go to work, I play volleyball. That’s my life, and that’s fine by me,” he said decisively.

The group groaned. Even Kenma, who ignored everything up until this point, rolled his eyes.

“Tell you what,” Kuroo said, placing the ball in Kageyama’s hands. “Lets play one more set, and if our team wins, you get a piercing. If you win, we won’t bug you about it anymore.” Kuroo rubbed his hand on his chin. “At least for now. Won’t make any future promises.”

“This isn’t fair though,” Kageyama pointed out. “Everyone here wants me to do it, so won’t my team lose on purpose?”

Kuroo cackled. “Then how do you suppose we settle this?”

Kageyama thought about it for a minute.

“Why don’t I just get the piercing?”

“What?” The whole group exclaimed simultaneously. Every eye was on Kageyama.

“It will get you guys off my back, and I can take it out later if I don’t like it. So I’ll get the piercing.”

Kageyama wasn’t prepared for the loud cheering that followed. He was hoisted up like he just won the final point of a volleyball game as the rambunctious group carried him off the court. Kageyama felt the sting of regret deep within him.

At the tattoo parlor, Kageyama was greeted by a built man wearing black latex gloves and a black, fitted t-shirt. His arms were covered with tattoo sleeves, and his eyebrow was pierced.

“Hey guys, what’re you in for today?” he asked kindly.

“Hey Daichi, This one’s getting a piercing!” Nishinoya exclaimed excitedly, shoving Kageyama slightly to the side. Kageyama glared at him.

“Badass. What kind of piercing?” He asked. Kageyama had decided yet, but felt pressured by the expectant look on everyone’s faces.

“He wants the most painful one you can get,” Tanaka said, smiling evilly.

“Ah, so a geni—”

“No, I’m not doing that.” Kageyama interrupted. He slapped Tanaka’s bald head. “What do you think would look ok?” Kageyama asked Daichi.

“Septum.” Kageyama jumped slightly at the familiar voice. He scowled as he turned towards the source, across the parlor. His ears did not betray him. The mop of orange hair that haunted his existence sat next to a tattoo machine, too busy cleaning to look him in the eye. “I think you should get a septum piercing,” Hinata repeated.

“All right,” Kageyama said sarcastically, “Now I know the two piercings I definitely don’t want. Does anyone I trust have suggestions, or does everyone have it out for me today?”

“I agree with Hinata,” Daichi said. “It would compliment your face shape. Also,” Daichi gestured at his nostrils. “When it heals, its easy to hide if you need.” Hinata just gave a thumbs up in answer, back still turned away.

Kageyama conceded. “Fine. Septum it is.” Once more, the group of boys lost their minds.

“Hey!” Daichi snapped, silencing the group at once. “Not in here.”

Kageyama got his piercing, which bled a bit more than he expected. Looking in the mirror, he could see what they meant. It did make him look just a bit cooler. It suited his personality, he thought. When he turned to the waiting group of guys, they cheered, ignoring the glare Daichi gave them again. Kageyama thanked Daichi for the piercing after the rundown of how to take care of the piercing.

Before Kageyama turned to walk out the door, he looked over to Hinata again, who finally met his eyes. Ever so slightly, he was smiling. And in the moments before Kageyama collected himself, he realized he was smiling too, just a bit.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama embraces his newfound spontaneous lifestyle and goes to a party, then finds Hinata.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am kinda embarrassed at how much I wrote today. But I could not get this story out of my head. I probably won't have another chapter up tomorrow, but this one twice the length of the others! I predict I'll have the next one thursday night, but I'll definitely post it sooner if I get it done :) Hope you enjoy!

Kageyama felt eyes on him all day at work the next day. The first major reaction belonged to Sugawara.

“Uwooooh! I would have never thought you’d have it in you, Kageyama!” Sugawara squeezed Kageyama’s cheeks, admiring the look of his piercing.

“Sugawara,” Kageyama complained. “It’s not that big of a deal.” This did nothing to stifle the amazement Sugawara showed.

“But it is!” He exclaimed. “It’s so out of character! If you asked me ‘Sugawara, what are the odds that Kageyama Tobio will step out of his comfort zone and do something spontaneous?’ I would tell you to shut up and stop wasting my time!”

“That’s a bit rude”

“It looks great, Kageyama.” Sugawara smiled kindly at him. “I can’t wait for everyone else to see it.”

“I for one,” Tsukishima remarked, “agree with Kageyama for once. It’s literally not even a big deal.”

“Then again, nobody asked you” Sugawara said in a rare show of malice. “You’re both party poopers.”

Similar reactions followed by most regulars though. There were a few old-fashioned customers that seemed slightly disappointed in the loss of another youth to the latest trends, but many reacted similarly to Sugawara. Eventually Kageyama grew tired of it.

 _Am I really that boring_? Kageyama wondered. He felt very normal. Were most people really so against his normal, boring self? First his friends, and now every customer was basically begging him to be less of a stick in the mud.

Routine helped Kageyama live moment to moment. He never had to question what he needed to do, where he needed to go. Routine kept him feeling alive.

 _Perhaps_ , Kageyama thought, _breaking from my routine is okay occasionally._ He wouldn’t go as far as to say he needed to be more spontaneous, but he decided his life didn’t need to be planned moment for moment.

So when Tanaka texted him after work, asking him to come to a party, Kageyama accepted.

Kageyama faced a dilemma. He had never gone to a party. He didn’t know what people wore at parties or whether he should bring anything specific with him. He went with a t-shirt and some stylishly ripped jeans, hoping he didn’t look too out of place.

But despite his efforts, Kageyama still felt out of place. Not because of the clothes, but because of himself. Maybe he shouldn’t try to be spontaneous twice in a week. In a large house full of complete strangers, Kageyama felt slightly suffocated. His friends were socializing with everyone that walked by, but Kageyama could barely think over the noise. He walked around, looking for somewhere that was less packed, with less music. He thought about slipping out the door, but everyone agreed that he should be the one in charge of making sure they got home safely if they drank. And they did, much to Kageyama’s dismay.

He opened a bedroom door and was immediately yelled at by a couple that were getting… friendly with each other. _Okay, bedrooms are a no-go_ , he postulated. He went upstairs, where there was a balcony and significantly less people. What he didn’t expect to see though, was Hinata again.

He looked… small. Smaller than usual. He was hunched over in a corner, absorbed in a sketchbook. Kageyama crossed the large balcony over to him. As Kageyama stood next to him, Hinata didn’t acknowledge his existence. Kageyama slid down the wall next to him.

“Hey.” Kageyama said quietly. Hinata’s pencil stopped moving.

“Hey,” Hinata said. Quieter than Kageyama could have ever expected from his first encounter with the redhead.

“I wanted to say thanks for the piercing recommendation. I really like it. And,” Kageyama hesitated. “Sorry for wanting to throttle you before.”

Hinata laughed, easing the tenseness. “It’s no problem. I think you look good with it too.”

“Did someone drag you here and abandon you too?” Kageyama asked. Hinata nodded but still wouldn’t meet his eyes. He continued sketching. Kageyama finally looked at his sketchpad and saw an intricate design of a crow.

“That’s really good,” Kageyama said.

“I sure hope,” Hinata remarked. “It’s gonna be on my back soon.”

“It’s a tattoo design?” Kageyama asked, silently berating himself for asking something so obvious, but Hinata didn’t seem to notice.

“Yeah,” Hinata sighed, finally looking Kageyama in the eye. Kageyama’s heart sank when he saw the tears that were threatening to spill. “Tattoos help me move on when things get rough.” Kageyama, without thinking, put his arm around Hinata, who finally broke.

Hinata started sobbing as he fell into Kageyama’s chest. Kageyama didn’t know what to do or say, but he knew this wasn’t how Hinata was supposed to be. He was supposed to be loud, annoying, everything that was present when he first met him at the café. This was not the same. Kageyama just firmly rubbed his shoulder, tears soaking into his t-shirt. They stayed like that until Hinata’s sobs turned into sniffles. Hinata finally pulled away from Kageyama silently.

“My ex and I broke up a couple days ago.” Hinata said, looking avoiding Kageyama’s gaze. “She- I wanted to marry her. I even picked out a ring to buy when the time came. But now she’s g-gone.” Kageyama didn’t know what to say, so he just kept listening. Hinata continued.

“A few weeks ago, I told her I was bisexual, and she didn’t take it very well.” Kageyama stared at him wide-eyed, afraid of what happened next. “She said ‘You can’t be bisexual, you’re with me!’ She was convinced that I had to cheat on her to still be attracted to guys, and I told her—I told her that—sorry,” Hinata wiped his eyes and tried to even out his shaking voice. “I said that I didn’t love anyone else, but that d-didn’t mean I’m not bi.” Hinata stared off into space.

“I thought she’d gotten over it, but she still looked at me differently and wouldn’t sleep with me anymore.” Hinata’s voice started shaking more. “But then… then she looked through my art school drawings and saw the male models we had to draw, and she said she couldn’t be with someone who likes men.” Hinata’s lip quivered as he looked at Kageyama. Kageyama’s heart ached for him. “I didn’t though—I don’t! She’s the only one I love.” Hinata fell into Kageyama’s chest again as he began sobbing again. “I wish—I wish—I never--”

“Don’t say that.” Kageyama finally said. Hinata still shook silently, but waited. “You were going to say you wish you never told her. That’s bs.” Kageyama searched Hinata’s eyes, but found only regret. “She didn’t love all of you.” Kageyama quickly clarified when he saw the devastation in Hinata’s eyes. “She may have loved most of you, but you were holding back a major part of yourself. If she couldn’t accept it, that was her loss.” He fell silent as Hinata continued crying.

“You’re right.” Hinata said. “But it still hurts." He fell silent.

Quietly, he began again."Five years, gone. Because I had to tell her. I keep thinking, I haven’t come out to any of my friends either. What if they want to throw everything away too?”

“Then they weren’t good friends to begin with.” Kageyama said decisively. “You don’t want to be with someone ready to throw away an entire relationship after a day like that. And I believe your friends will accept you and help you through it.”

Hinata sniffled. “Thank you. You’re the only other person I’ve told, besides Haruka.” Kageyama stared at him wide-eyed. “I don’t know why, but I had the feeling that I needed to tell you. Sorry for dumping all of this out at a party.”

“Apologize again and I’ll give you the knuckle sandwich you deserved a few days ago.” Hinata laughed. “I’m going to go home. It’s been a long week,” He said, standing up and dusting off his pants.

“You could say that again,” Kageyama agreed. “Come by the café tomorrow,” Kageyama said, silently berating himself for being so awkward. “I’ll make you a drink.”

“I will!” Hinata said, looking pumped. Kageyama was happy about the change in atmosphere. “I hope you’ve been practicing your whipped cream skills” Kageyama pushed the scrawny dumbass and waved goodbye. He was surprised… earlier this week, Kageyama scowled when thinking about his short wavy hair. But now he felt slight fondness towards the guy. 

Kageyama watched Hinata leave, tempted to go with him and walk him home. But, he realized as he heard Tanaka yell across the house, he had other idiots to look after for right now.

 _Tonight_ , Kageyama Reflected, _spontaneity was okay_.

Kageyama woke up a bit more excited than usual, though he couldn’t place why exactly. His morning jog had a bit more pep and he truly felt like he was living life.

When he arrived at work, he made his daily coffee. It was much sweeter than he’d normally drink. He made it with caramel and chocolate, adding a bit of cream to thicken the milk. As he closed his eyes and took a sip, he felt like he was in a warm cabin in the middle of a snowstorm. The fire radiated against his skin and licked the room with splashes of a deep tangerine hue. And… a patch of orange hair stuck out of a bundle of blankets on the floor.

Kageyama shook his head. People never penetrated his coffee daydreams like that.

**

“How do you taste coffee then? Since I obviously don’t get it.” Kageyama pouted. He had been working in the café for about a month, but still couldn’t drink coffee for the flavor. “I just don’t get it! How do you taste bitter and say, ‘Ah yes, chocolate and cranberries notes!’”

Sugawara chuckled. “It just comes with experience. You have to try things and learn to taste past the bitter.” Sugawara sat down next to Kageyama. The café was finally empty, having closed ten minutes before. “Lets try a cupping. We host them for parties sometimes,”

Sugawara pulled out a couple cards that had a bunch of descriptors under categories. “This a score card. You can use the descriptors it lists, or make your own if you think it suits the coffee better.” Sugawara grabbed a cup of coffee he just poured and handed it to Kageyama, then poured his own. “First, smell it. Look at the categories and decide which one fits the most. I for one,” Sugawara gestured a himself, “like to imagine being at a table with a bunch of ingredients, and I’m trying to find the source of the smell.”

Kageyama closed his eyes and followed his advice. He just smelled coffee. He couldn't see where "chocolate" and "nutty" came into it. Sugawara noticed the disappointment on his face and quickly corrected. “I think its easier to do once you compare it to another cup.” Sugawara grabbed a cup of another blend and placed it in front of Kageyama. “You don’t usually do more than one cup at a time because the scents will mingle and confuse you, but I think it teaches you the small differences between cups.” Kageyama inhaled this one too and kind of saw what Sugawara meant.

“In the first one, It smells kind of acidic to me. I smell hints of citrus.” Sugawara explained. Kageyama nodded slowly. “What do you smell in the second one?”

“It smells… like dirt. Soil, I mean,” he corrected, realizing the harshness of the first descriptor.

“Exactly!” Sugawara exclaimed, showing Kageyama his own scorecard. Sugawara had marked ‘Earthy’. “Now take a sip, but don’t swallow.” Kageyama dreaded it now, expecting the bitterness to hit him. It did, but it quickly settled on his tongue. “Swish it around in your mouth, and think about how it feels on your tongue. That’s the body of the coffee. Also,” he added, “Think about not the taste, but think about its… shock value?” Sugawara thought hard about his choice of words. “basically, is it really sharp when it first hits your tongue? Or is it sort of subdued? Or tart?” Kageyama followed his instructions. Sugawara did the same and marked something on his scorecard, so Kageyama did too. He marked “sharp” and “watery” on his card.

“Now spit it into that other cup, and take another sip. This time, actually swallow it and think about the flavor and aftertaste, or finish.” Kageyama did as he was told. Under “taste” he marked “berries” and under “finish” he marked “woody”.

“And now is the interesting part,” Sugawara said. “Eat this chocolate!” Kageyama frowned.

“Why chocolate?”

“You’ll see.”

Kageyama placed the chocolate in his mouth, expecting something tasting gross. It was just regular chocolate.

“Now take another sip of the coffee.” Kageyama tentatively raised the cup to his mouth and held a sip in his mouth. The flavor had completely changed! Kageyama widened his eyes at the new taste.

“Chocolate cleanses your palate and changes the flavor of the coffee. So every coffee has a second flavor brought out after the chocolate.”

After that day, Kageyama tried tasting coffee for its notes. Eventually he found that he started to enjoy it. He spent spare time (that wasn’t already spent studying) looking at coffee terminology and the brewing process. As it turned out, coffee was an art he’d never expected to enjoy this much.

**

Kageyama finished his coffee and got to work. Today was a much slower day. After hours of finding cleaning jobs to keep himself busy, he heard the door open, followed by bustling. Kageyama anticipated Hinata’s entrance, but didn’t anticipate Tanaka, Kuroo, Daichi and Nishinoya to enter with him.

“Bakageyama!” Hinata yelled, running up to the counter. “You didn’t tell me you played volleyball!”

“Why would I?” Kageyama said, confused. “We literally just met.”

“How can you be on the college team and not talk about it all the time!”

“Do I look like I talk about anything all the time?” Kageyama said with a glare. “Stop being stupid.”

“Well?” Hinata raised his eyebrows expectantly. “Are you going to play with us?” He held up a ball to accentuate his point.

“My shift ends in an hour. Can you guys wait that long?”

“We can drink coffee while we wait!”

Kageyama took their orders, comping Hinata’s drink like he promised. Even though he had to berate them for playing with the volleyball indoors several times, he felt really at peace. It was nice having his friends around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are the flashbacks? Does it get confusing whether the story is in the present or in the past? I'm hoping it flows ok.  
> I have plans for how the plot is going to go down with the next chapter. Look forward into a bit more of Hinata's POV and Kageyama backstory! Also, let me know if there's anything you'd like to see from the story, whether it be plot developments or writing advice. I'm always open to suggestions! :) Stay sexy


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of stuff is about to happen... I'm trying to put the burn in slow burn.

The group proceeded to their usual volleyball spot, but with added players. Hinata, Daichi, Hinata’s friend Yamaguchi, Sugawara, and even Tsukishima were dragged along. Tsukishima sat out though, as he’d been up since 3 am from his baking shift. Yamaguchi joined him, being embarrassed at his skills. Hinata insisted Yamaguchi was a great player, as he practiced with him quite often. He let Yamaguchi go however, since they had enough players on each team.

It felt great to Hinata, who had not been able to play with a full team since high school. He played really well then, but had gotten out of practice as his girlfriend… ex-girlfriend… urged him to focus on his career. Hinata’s eyes stung for what seemed like the hundredth time that week as he remembered Haruka. _No_ , he reprimanded himself. _You can’t hold on to her here. You’re here to enjoy yourself_. The more he thought about the past, the more he realized Kageyama was right. He sacrificed so many parts of himself to her.

Hinata slapped his cheeks hard and squeezed, much to the surprise of the people around him that were not aware of his thought process. _We’re here to enjoy ourselves, and I have a life outside of… her_.

They played together for a few hours, only resting when Kenma threw in the towel and refused to play another set. The group sat together in a disordered, clumpy circle as they joked around.

“I swear, I looked it up and the tattoo meant ‘manure’ in Korean,” Daichi recalled. “When I told him, he got pissed and swore his coworker knew Korean better than me. He left angry and said he’d find someone else to do it for him.” The whole group was dying over the shitty customer stories. “In the end, I was just glad I didn’t do it before he found out I was right. I bet he would have tried to burn the shop!”

Sugawara sat up straight “That one’s good, but I bet I can top it. Have you ever met someone that doesn’t know the difference between espresso and drip coffee? Because it’s common, but every single time leads to an angry misunderstanding…” Sugawara continued, scooting a bit closer to Daichi to finish his story.

Kageyama and Hinata argued about the best volleyball players, an intense discussion that could not be interrupted. Until the group got hungry.

“Not a single person thought ‘Hmm, we are gonna be at the park for hours, lets get snacks!” Tanaka complained loudly. “This is unacceptable. Kageyama, come with me. We are buying food.” Kageyama looked up from his conversation with Hinata, smashing a hand against his face to shut him up.

“Why do I have to go?” Kageyama asked. “There’s like, fifty other people here.”

“Good to know you’re as bad at math as you are people,” Tsukishima snickered. Kuroo laughed hard at his words.

“Because you have to show your piercing to everyone in town!” Tanaka said, unconvincingly.

“Oh. But I don’t care about that.” Kageyama replied, the bad excuse flying over his head. Kageyama stood up and dusted off his pants regardless. “I’ll go if you really want me to though.” Tanaka did a fist pump and left with Kageyama. Hinata watched them walk away, confused.

“What just happened?” Hinata asked. Several people snickered.

“A girl said she’d set Tanaka up with her friend if he got Kageyama to the store so she could confess to him,” Nishinoya explained. “The rest of us are betting on whether or not he’ll accept.”

“How much are you guys betting?” Hinata asked.

“You want in?” Kuroo smiled greedily. “I have 5 bucks on a rejection.”

“No way, surely the dude has to be desperate by now!” Nishinoya exclaimed.

“I also said Kageyama would reject her,” Sugawara smiled knowingly. “I’ve worked with him for a while now.”

Hinata thought hard about it. “I don’t think he’ll accept her. He’s too awkward.” The group of guys laughed at this. As the rest of the guys began chattering again, Hinata turned to Sugawara.

“Why’s he so angry? I think I’ve only ever seen him smile once. And even then it was a small, almost creepy smile!”

Sugawara hesitated, then answered slowly. “I think there’s a lot more to Kageyama than you know. He seems angry, but it’s really just his frustration most of the time.” Hinata sat quietly, so Sugawara continued. “He’s really good at keeping it contained inside of him, but he’s had a rough time. But that’s not for me to talk about,” Sugawara stopped himself. “He may open up to you about it eventually, or he might not. But just remember that he isn’t just an angry person.” Sugawara smiled slightly. “Talk to him about coffee sometime. It’s the gateway to understanding him as a person. He’s actually really easy to read when you know what to look for.”

Hinata absorbed Sugawara’s words as Sugawara turned back to Daichi and continued their conversation. What lay under that hardened exterior?

Kageyama was rushed by a crowd of people as he carried large bags of snacks back to the sidelines of the court.

“How was the trip!” Nishinoya was the first to ask.

“Kageyama was confessed to!” Tanaka said with another unconvincing inflection.

“I told her I wasn’t interested,” Kageyama said with a flat tone. Nishinoya groaned and sank to the ground, and several other people exhaled sadly. The rest of the group cheered as Kageyama watched, completely confused. Nobody had filled him in on the bet.

Once Kageyama was informed of the events that transpired, his scowl deepened. “I would have come to the store if you just told me,” He said in an annoyed tone.

“Yeah, but then we couldn’t bet on it,” Tanaka replied, ignoring Kageyama’s expression. Kageyama sat down, slightly further away from the rest of the group. Hinata sat down next to him.

Kageyama sighed. “My love life, or lack of love life, is not a stupid game,” he complained to Hinata. Hinata patted him on the shoulder.

“I don’t think they meant any harm. They were just joking,” Hinata said.

“Did you bet?” Kageyama looked Hinata in the eyes. Hinata considered lying, but figured that wouldn’t do much good. “Figures.” Kageyama said, looking away. “What did you bet?”

“That you would reject her,” Hinata said. “I couldn’t see you accepting a total stranger’s confession.” Kageyama stayed silent. Hinata could tell that he had a lot of thoughts running through his head that he definitely wouldn’t reveal to Hinata.

“Why did you reject her then?” Hinata asked.

“I don’t know,” Kageyama wouldn’t meet his eyes. “I need to go.” Kageyama stood up.

“Wait,” Hinata said quickly, also standing to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to pry, and it’s completely fine that you don’t want a relationship right now.”

“It’s not that I don’t want one,” Kageyama said. “It’s just—Agh—I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

“Okay,” Hinata said. “Well, if you need to talk about it, let me give you my number.” Hinata scrawled his phone number onto a napkin with one of his art pencils and shoved it into Kageyama’s hand. “You helped me before, and I’d hate to not return the favor.”

Kageyama stared at the napkin and nodded once, placing it in his pocket. He silently turned and walked away, leaving Hinata standing alone. When he turned around he realized the rest of the court was silent, eyes on him. “He remembered something he needed to do,” Hinata explained. Everyone shrugged and carried on their conversations. Except Sugawara.

“He really wasn’t happy about the bets was he?” Sugawara asked. Hinata let Sugawara assume the answer to that.

Later that night, Hinata received a text from an unknown number.

_3:12 am Thanks_

**

Kageyama woke up at 11:00 am to his alarm. He struggled internally as he tried to work up the motivation to go to work. It was a bad day.

 _I have to go. I haven’t missed work in almost a year_ , he thought to himself. _Stick to the routine_.

A small Kageyama sat on his shoulder and whispered to him, _You’re being spontaneous. There is no routine anymore. Call in_.

Kageyama hesitated before picking up his phone. No routine.

**

After Hinata got off work the next day, he decided to go to the café, just to check in with Kageyama, but was surprised to find that Kageyama was not there, Kuroo in his place.

“He called in,” Sugawara explained.

“Do you know why?” Hinata asked.

“Don’t worry, it’s not about the bet,” Sugawara promised. “He just has… bad days sometimes. It hasn’t happened in a really long time, but it’s normal”

“Still… I’m worried about him” Hinata said quietly. Sugawara thought for a second before replying.

“You know, I was going to go to his apartment after work to check in with him. But if you feel like it, you can definitely go in my place.”

“Will he want to see me?” Hinata asked. He wondered whether he was on that level with Kageyama. “We only just became friends. I don’t know if he’d rather see me.”

“You’re closer to him than you probably think,” Sugawara replied reassuringly. “Like I said before. Once you know what to look for, he’s surprisingly easy to read.” Sugawara jotted Kageyama’s address on a receipt and handed it to Hinata. “He’ll be happy to see you, even if he’s scowling when he opens the door.” Sugawara winked at Hinata before turning to a customer that walked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments are warming my heart and soul <3   
> I will probably have the next chapter out by the end of the day or tomorrow morning. See you then!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata goes to Kageyama's house and gets him to open up about coffee. And other things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //CONTENT WARNING//  
> read the tags. this chapter will be heavy at some points, but not graphic or anything.   
> If you don't think you can read it, there's a summary at the end of the chapter. or ctrl+F "Kageyama’s expression changed, scowling again" after Hinata says "…oh"

Hinata followed the directions to Kageyama’s apartment and found him self standing, hand paused before knocking. He took a deep breath and knocked firmly and waited. No answer.

Hinata texted the number that Kageyama texted him from last night.

_6:18 Bakageyama! Open the door._

A few moments later, the door unlocked and revealed a tired looking Kageyama. His hair was messed up and he wore pajama pants with small volleyballs on them.

“Why are you here? And how did you get my address?” Kageyama asked, confusion plain on his face. Along with his usual scowl, as Sugawara predicted.

“Sugawara gave it to me. And I wanted to make sure you were okay, since you disappeared on everyone!” Hinata explained. Kageyama didn’t answer, but gestured for Hinata to enter. He tentatively stepped inside and gauged his surroundings.

It was strangely intimate, seeing the inside of Kageyama’s house. He felt like it showed a secret side of himself. His apartment was small and dark, the only light currently being the light peaking through the windows. It was more than clean—Kageyama’s house seemed more like a model room than a home. A few kitschy coffee pictures hung around the room, and a short cabinet displayed an array of volleyball trophies and medals. His kitchen lay beyond an island where Hinata could see bags of coffee and grinders, and a small espresso machine. This was the only sign of life in the apartment that Hinata could see.

Kageyama leaned down to turn on a lamp and gestured to the couch. Hinata sat down, feeling awkward and out of place, while Kageyama walked to the kitchen area and began grinding coffee.

“Do you want some?” Kageyama asked from the Kitchen. Hinata considered declining since he just drank a latte from the café, but remembered Sugawara’s words.

_Talk to him about coffee sometime._

“Sure,” Hinata said loudly over the blending. “But you might have realized, I’m not much of a coffee drinker. Sugawara said you had tips—” Hinata paused as Kageyama turned to him and stopped grinding. “Sugawara said you may have tips on how to enjoy coffee more,” Hinata finished.

“That’s… weird” Kageyama cocked his head, frowning. Hinata somehow could tell the frown had no malice behind it though. He turned back and continued grinding. “Sugawara’s the one that taught me about coffee.” Kageyama finished grinding his beans and started preparing the coffee.

“He said that you were really passionate about coffee and had good insight.”

“Sugawara is modest,” Kageyama said. “He’s just as good a barista as I am. I just really like coffee.”

“I think you’re also being modest,” Hinata commented. “Humor me though. I want to know what you tasted when you drank that Americano.” Kageyama gave a rare laugh. _Sugawara was right,_ Hinata thought. Kageyama seemed so much more relaxed and happy thinking about coffee.

Kageyama returned to the couch with two cups of coffee, a small carton of cream, and a pot of sugar.

“Sugawara taught me the basics of coffee, and I just became obsessed with it. There’s a bunch of terminology,” Kageyama explained. “But all of that is bullshit to me.” Kageyama rolled his eyes. When Hinata looked at him curiously. “The terminology helps you explain a bit, but I realized after probably my 50th cup of black coffee that the important parts of coffee are just inexplicable.”

Hinata was incredulous. He had only heard Kageyama speak so strongly once. That night at the party.

He handed Hinata a cup of coffee. “You can look up things like ‘aroma’ and ‘finish’ online, so I wont explain that to you. But when I drink coffee, I feel a scene play out in my head. Kind of like a painting. You have to get used to the bitterness, but eventually even the bitterness adds small pieces to the scene that make it...” Kageyama fished for a word. "....Complete."

Hinata was an artist, and Kageyama was now speaking in terms he could understand slightly. Hinata wondered whether Kageyama had ever tried to draw, and made a mental note to ask him later. But he didn’t want to interrupt his process.

“Smell it. But don’t just sniff it like you would a flower.” Kageyama demonstrated as he talked. “First, smell lightly, as though too much airflow will break it. Like you're trying to smell a butterfly's wing” Kageyama closed his eyes and inhaled slowly. Hinata also did. It smelled very rich, like it would taste like a mocha if he took a sip. “As I smell it, I see part of the picture. I know I see strength, and richness. Something lost to time. But it’s really vague without the taste.” Hinata could see it, sorta.

“Now, when you take a small sip and weigh it in your mouth, think about the reaction you have to the flavor. Your immediate, knee jerk reaction.” Hinata did what he said and frowned.

“Its just bitter! It almost sour,” Hinata exclaimed.

“Yeah, that’s the acidity. To me, that adds sharp edges and rough, jagged lines to the picture. I begin to see an ancient city, like Rome. The weight on my tongue tells me that it’s dusty, horse drawn carts walk the cobblestone road. But that road links to the heart of the city, a network like blood vessels in your body,” Kageyama explained, gesturing to the veins on his wrist to illustrate.

“That’s beautiful,” Hinata said in awe. He took a small sip of his own coffee and tried to see the same scene. He could kind of see what Kageyama meant, but he would have never seen it that way himself. He looked down into the coffee, disappointed.

“You won’t get it immediately,” Kageyama reassured. “It took me several years making coffee every day, trying new things and experimenting to see the beauty in a cup of coffee.” Kageyama took another sip, and Hinata realized this was the most relaxed he’d ever seen Kageyama. His frown was completely gone, replaced by a content expression.

They sat in silence, sipping the coffee. Hinata cringed at a few sips before Kageyama pointed at the cream and sugar in front of them. “I figured you wouldn’t like it yet. There’s no shame in liking your coffee sweet,” Kageyama said. Hinata accepted the invitation.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Hinata got brave. “Kageyama?” Kageyama hummed in response, eyes closed as he savored another sip. “You weren’t that upset about the confession, were you?” Kageyama shook his head silently, eyes still closed. His eyebrows scrunched slightly.

“No, I got over that almost immediately.”

“Why did you call in? You aren’t sick either, right?”

“No, I’m not sick.” Kageyama sighed and sat his half-full mug down. “It’s just complicated.”

“I’m just really worried. You weren’t angry with me are you?” Hinata said, growing afraid.

Kageyama thought long and hard. Hinata could see the internal debate running through his mind. Finally, Kageyama spoke.

“Hinata, it's not you. I--" He paused, almost choking on the words. "I- have depression.”

_…oh_

“I’m sorry for prying,” Hinata said quietly.

“It’s fine. I just don’t… talk about it that much.” Kageyama leaned forward, hunching over and pressing his palms into his eyes. “I promise I’m fine now, so don’t freak out, but—I’m only telling you this because you already told me something really personal. Now we can be even—I” Kageyama stopped and ran his fingers through his messy hair. Finally, he looked Hinata in the eyes, with an indescribable sadness. “I tried to kill myself freshman year of college.”

Hinata immediately began to tear up. “Damn it, you’re not supposed to be the one crying,” Kageyama sighed. Hinata didn’t say anything, not trusting his unstable voice right now.

“Please don’t be upset about it. It’s really not as big a deal as you probably think.” Kageyama pleaded.

Hinata was horrified. “Of course it’s a big deal! You—your life is a big deal!” Hinata said, astounded.

“I just had a lot of issues. It was just a low spot—the lowest spot—in my life.” Kageyama explained, shaking his head. He looked away. “My grandfather died, my sister moved away, and my parents cut me off.” Kageyama put on another irritated expression. “That’s a whole other story I don’t want to get into,” Kageyama continued. “But I just felt so alone, and directionless in life. And I had no real friends. Or so I thought,” Kageyama corrected.

“When Tanaka and Sugawara found out, they were pissed. They took it really personally and blamed themselves.” Kageyama put his face back in his hands. “I was just in another world, and I couldn’t see anything. It didn’t even occur to me what I was doing until I saw the empty bottle of pills” Hinata’s tears were streaming down at this point.

“I went to therapy… it was hard at first. I didn’t see the point in trying. But my therapist taught me to keep to a routine, live life moment to moment to stay grounded. If I know what I’m going to do at any point in the day, it makes it easier to ignore worries about the long term. Every moment—” Kageyama picked up his cup of coffee-- “leads to the next, and ‘eventually you get to the long term without trying’.” Said, mocking his therapist.

Tears streamed down Hinata’s cheeks. He felt overwhelmed with emotion, unable to fully comprehend the beauty in Kageyama’s words. “Like the coffee?” He asked.

Kageyama paused, looking surprised. “Yeah. Exactly. Every little detail adds to the big picture. But without focusing on little details one at a time, the big picture is overwhelming.” Kageyama revealed another rare ghost of a smile. “Coffee helped me a lot too. Having a skill to refine helped. But I couldn’t have done it without Sugawara. And Tanaka,” he added. “They checked in with me constantly, made me practice volleyball with them. Basically, they made me live my life.”

Kageyama’s expression changed, scowling again. But it was a look of determination rather than anger. “That’s why I said what I said before. My friends were there for me at my lowest point. If your friends aren’t there for you even after you come out to them, they don’t deserve you. If I, with my millions of issues,” Kageyama gestured at himself. “deserve good friends, obviously you do too.” Kageyama finished.

“Don’t say that about yourself!” Hinata said forcefully, shoving him hard. “You’re amazing. You’re so much more than that, you dumbass!”

“Anyways,” Kageyama continued, “Even if I’m a lot better than I was, I have bad days sometimes. Today was just one of those.”

“Are you feeling better now?” Hinata asked quietly.

Kageyama looked Hinata in the eye, reaching forward with a napkin to dry the lingering tears from his cheeks. “Yeah,” he said. “I’m a lot better.”

_Routine, coffee, volleyball, Sugawara, Tanaka… Hinata_ …

Kageyama listed the things that grounded him in the present. Right now he was alive. In this moment, he knew that the future would come eventually, but he was feeling every second as though it were a new lifetime. Each frame was like a new note to a cup of coffee. _Bitter_ , He thought, like the dried tears on Hinata's cheeks. _Warm_ , Like the feeling in his gut as he watched Hinata smile. _Light_ , like the gentle sunshine radiating from the windows. This was just another scene, but it replayed itself with every microsecond.

When Kageyama finished his coffee, he brewed another cup and stayed up late with Hinata. At some times they talked, and other times they sat and enjoyed the moments before Hinata finally went home. He knew he wouldn’t need to call in tomorrow morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary:  
> Hinata visits Kageyama in his apartment, where Kageyama makes him a cup of coffee and teaches Hinata how to drink coffee the way he does.  
> Then, Kageyama confides in Hinata about his previous suicide attempt and how he picked his life back up with the help of Sugawara, Tanaka, Coffee and his routine. 
> 
> Just to update on the progress of this story, I am still planning out this story and I dont know exactly how long it will be in the end. but I know that there's at least 5 chapters worth left! I think my goal is to get to at least 30,000 words, but if the story ends cleanly before that or needs more chapters to wrap up then that might change. Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama goes to the Hinata household and chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!! This is a shorter chapter, but I felt like it was a good time for this plot point. Longer chapters are on their way tomorrow!

Kageyama and Hinata grew closer over the following week. Now that Hinata knew where Kageyama lived, he bugged him nonstop. Kageyama was slightly annoyed, but also enjoyed the company. Hinata became one of his best friends.

When Tanaka found out, he began to join Hinata too. Kageyama found that his apartment was slowly being devoured by signs of life, with magazines left on side tables, more coffee mugs abandoned on counters, and pillows moved out of place or left on the floor. Kageyama felt weirdly happy picking up the artifacts of his friends’ visits.

Kageyama was cleaning the dishes of the meal that Kuroo and Tanaka prepared the night before, Hinata watching from the couch.

“You should come to my house sometime!” Hinata said excitedly. Kageyama grunted in reply. “No really, you should come. You’ve cleaned up after our mess for a week and a half now, so it’s only fair.”

“I don’t care about cleaning up. I like my personal space,” Kageyama replied dispassionately.

“Too bad, you’re coming over!” Hinata stuck out his tongue.

“I don’t know where you live,” Kageyama said, “and I don’t feel like going anywhere.”

“You don’t ever feel like going anywhere, and I can give you my address! Plus, you can meet my little sister.”

“That’s even less assuring. Kids hate me,” Kageyama said with a darkening expression.

“You’d be surprised how well Natsu gets along with everyone she meets.” Hinata’s eyes twinkled. “If you go to my house, my mom will make us pork buns!”

Needless to say, Kageyama went to Hinata’s house that night, and Hinata’s mom did indeed make pork buns. It was an interesting look into Hinata’s life. His house had the same personality as Hinata. Bright, busy, exciting… almost overwhelming too. Hinata Natsu was afraid of Kageyama at first, much to his dismay. But as soon as Hinata got into another volleyball discussion with Kageyama, she was happy to join in.

Her input was mostly agreeing with Hinata and repeating things Hinata had said about volleyball in the past. But she was all too eager to show off her best serve when Hinata brought out a volleyball.

When they sat down to eat, Kageyama was able to properly size up their family dynamic. The Hinatas were a very supportive family, amused by the antics of the siblings. Kageyama saw the joy in the parents eyes as they engaged in conversation, affectionate gestures. It made him wonder where his family went wrong…

“Shouyou tells us you’re in college for sports therapy, right?” Hinata’s mother asked. Kageyama nodded, his mouth full of barbeque. “And you’re on the volleyball team, right?” Kageyama nodded again.

“Ah, no wonder you became friends. Shouyou’s wanted to be on a college volleyball team since high school.” Hinata stared at his father wide-eyed, pleading silently for him to shut up. “Don’t look at me like that, Shouyou. What you do now is wonderful too,” his father finished. Such encouraging words… Kageyama felt a pang in his abdomen, but swallowed it down and tried to smile at the Hinatas.

“Are you okay, Kageyama? Do you need some water?” Hinata’s mom asked. Kageyama decided smiling was still a no go.

“Shouyou, where has Haruka been lately?” Hinata’s dad asked curiously. Kageyama held his breath and looked towards the now pale redhead. “She hasn’t been over in nearly—” he stopped as he saw Hinata’s uneasy expression. They didn’t know?

The table was silent. Natsu leaned into Kageyama and whispered, “I don’t like where this is going.”

“We… broke up.” Hinata took a few deep breaths.

Natsu exclaimed “Really? Why!” before her mother gave her a glare.

“Maybe you should go play in your room for a second,” She suggested with a bit of bite to her tone. Natsu pouted and began to complain before Kageyama patted her head. Natsu stomped to her room, annoyed.

“I have something to tell you guys,” Hinata said.

Kageyama’s eyes widened. _Now?_

“I… I like guys too.” Hinata’s parent’s faces were a mixture of shock and concern. “But Haruka didn’t like that.”

“Shouyou…” Hinata’s mom reached across the table to pat his hand. “I’m so sorry. It must be hard to deal with a breakup like that.” Hinata’s dad was silent, but didn’t look angry. “But we support you completely, right?” She looked pointedly at Hinata’s dad, who jolted in surprise.

“Yes, of course!” He scrambled to answer. “I was just thinking, how long have you known?”

Hinata thought for a second and answered slowly. “I had a crush on a boy in middle school, but I didn’t realize what it was until high school.” His parents looked at him somberly.

“It’s okay. We know you loved Haruka dearly, but there are plenty of gir—people—out there. You’ll feel the same way about someone else soon,” Hinata’s mother reassured.

Kageyama sat awkwardly, not sure how to respond to the situation. He put his hand on Hinata’s shoulder and patted gently.

“Well, that’s enough of that!” Hinata’s dad exclaimed. “Natsu is probably about to blow a fuse. Let’s bring out a game.” And just like that, the air was cheerful again. All five played cheesy games at Natsu’s suggestion, before Hinata complained that he should get to pick a game.

Later, Hinata and Kageyama sat in Hinata’s bedroom playing video games.

“I would have come over if you told me you wanted to come out to your parents,” Kageyama said over the loud sound effects.

“I didn’t know I would today,” Hinata said. “I mean—” Hinata paused the game and Kageyama scowled. He was about to win! “I wanted you to be here when I did decide to,” Hinata continued. “But I didn’t know it would be tonight. It just felt like the right time you know.” Kageyama scooted closer to Hinata and pressed the play button, immediately killing Hinata’s character as Hinata objected indignantly.

“Yeah. It was probably the right time,” Kageyama agreed, Hinata sticking his tongue out at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! I expect to be done with the next chapter by tomorrow night :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata has feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I come with another plot development.

Hinata had a problem, and it hit him like a brick when he realized it.

It took him a while to realize it. Small gestures made Hinata feel so happy, and Kageyama was the king of small gestures (as big gestures just weren’t part of his personality).

Hinata felt it every time he felt Kageyama’s hand on his shoulder, or when Kageyama gently wiped away Hinata’s tears that night, or when Kageyama grabbed his dishes to clean after a meal. But the realization came at the worst possible moment.

Once again, the group of volleyball players played a game together. For the first time ever since they started playing together, Hinata and Kageyama were put on the same team. Kageyama, the star setter he was, Set the ball perfectly as Hinata ran to the net. As he slammed the ball to the ground on the other side of the net, every person on the court stopped and stared at the duo. They had just pulled off the most impressive quick they’d ever seen.

As Hinata stared at the red spot on his palm, stinging in such a nice way, his heart began to race. His eyes met Kageyama’s as suddenly a new person stood before him, yet somehow completely unchanged.

The determination in Kageyama’s deep blue eyes, the way his hair was half plastered to his forehead with sweat, the half-smile that now teased onto Kageyama’s face, the lean, muscled build. And that septum piercing…

Now, on the middle of the court, in front of Hinatas friends whom are clueless to his bisexuality, Hinata realized he had a crush on Kageyama.

“Nice kill, Hinata,” Kageyama said. _Oh god…_

For the rest of the game, Hinata was distracted. Surely the quick was a fluke because this Hinata was hopeless. Tripping, Hitting the net, missing the ball entirely. After losing the game, Kageyama glared.

“Forget how to play, dumbass?” Kageyama asked roughly. Hinata stuck out his tongue.

“Mean! I got tired.”

“You don’t get tired, nice try.”

“Shut up, Bakageyama,” Hinata yelled after him, his crush momentarily forgotten.

Kageyama started to walk away but stopped when he realized Hinata wasn’t following. “You aren’t coming?” He asked, scowl still on his face. Hinata could now read this scowl as a scowl of concern, amazingly.

“Oh, I was going to go home. Why, where are you going?” Hinata replied.

“Oh. Back to my apartment,” Kageyama said shaking his head. “You just usually follow me home from our games.”

“Are you inviting?” Hinata asked, a grin rolling across his face.

“Dumbass,” Kageyama replied, turning around. That was a yes.

Hinata laid in bed restlessly that night. His thoughts raced. Was it… a crush?! While his heart panged at the idea of experiencing love again, it had only been a couple weeks since he and Haruka broke up. When he thought of her smile, her laugh, her eyes, he couldn’t help but feel heartbroken. He still loved her. He still wanted to wake up and see her there, bangs tussled and eyes glinting as she met his gaze.

But then her eyes melted into blue, and her bangs shrank, and suddenly he was left with the image of Kageyama laying in her place.

“Shouyou…” the image whispered, reaching towards his face and Hinata melted. _No!_

He didn’t trust his feelings. Kageyama was just a friend. A friend that comforted him when he was upset and confided his past issues in him, but just a friend. Hinata was heartbroken and ready to cling onto anyone that would distract him from his problems. But that didn’t make his feelings feel any less painful. He yearned for love again. It was lonely having your other half leave for good.

He thought about the ring in the jewelry store. It was expensive, but it reminded him of her eyes. And the drawings that he made for her. Once, she told him that she loved birds. After that day, Hinata had become obsessed with drawing birds. He drew one for her every time she was sad, painted them on large canvasses for her birthday, learned bird facts. Birds became his favorite animal, because they reminded him of her.

Hinata sighed and picked up his phone to text Yachi.

2:11 am Yachi, how do you get over someone? Its been two weeks. Should I be over her yet?

Almost immediately, he got a text back. It was like Yachi to be up at this hour too.

2:12 am It’s hard in the meantime, but time really is the best bandaid for the heart.

2:13 am I know you really loved her, but I promise you’ll get over her

Hinata texted her again:

2:14 am I just feel like if I get over her, then it wasn’t real. Is it dumb that I want to still be in love with her?

It took a few minutes for Yachi to respond.

2:17 am Yes.

2:17 am But I understand.

2:18 am I promise it won’t be like this forever though.

Hinata wasn’t sure whether he should sent the next text, but sent it anyway.

2:20 am Is it okay for me to have a crush on someone else, even if I’m not over her?

Hinata immediately regretted sending the text, but jumped when his phone began ringing. He looked at the caller ID: Yachi Hitoka. He answered, sighing.

“Hel—”

“You didn’t tell me you had a crush!” Yachi said excitedly. “Who is she?!”

“She’s… someone I only just met a while ago.” Hinata said, not ready to open up at 2:00 am. “I still can’t tell if I really like her or if shes just filling the place Haruka left.”

“Not every love has to be super deep, Hinata. If you have a crush, you can pursue it without being serious.”

“But I want it to be serious! I want to feel the way I feel about Haruka in someone else!” Hinata pouted. He knew he could keep it casual, but casual wasn’t his thing.

“Then I don’t think you’re ready, Hinata,” Yachi stated quietly. “You can’t expect every relationship to be like the one you had with her.”

Hinata sighed deeply. “I know. And that’s why I haven’t pursued it with… her.” It was hard keeping up the lie. All he wanted was to tell Yachi about him. She’d probably laugh, or get scared. The only interaction Yachi had with Kageyama was when he was pissed. Then again, most interactions with Kageyama were when he was pissed. Hinata smiled to himself. He got to see the soft side of him almost daily when they drank coffee together.

“Hinata?” Yachi said quietly.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t think you’ll want to hear this, but I think you should wait for a relationship until you can stop thinking about Haruka. Or learn to keep it casual.” Hinata frowned, but Yachi continued. “But not every relationship is going to last five years, and not every girl is going to put all of her effort into the relationship. I think you’ll just be hurting yourself otherwise. And maybe her too. She’ll be able to feel it if she doesn’t live up to your expectations.”

“You were right, Yachi. I didn’t want to hear that.” Hinata shook his head. “But I agree. Thank you for being a good friend.” Yachi stuttered, flustered, but Hinata giggled. “Have a good night, Yachi.”

“Good night, Hinata.”

Hinata hung up, thinking hard. She brought up a good point. He didn’t want to hurt Kageyama by comparing him to Haruka constantly. And Kageyama may not even be interested! He thought back to when he declined the girl’s confession, then imagined himself in the girl’s shoes. He would be really upset if Kageyama rejected him too. _And does Kageyama even like men?_ Hinata thought. Surely if he did, he would have mentioned it by now. Considering that Hinata was bi.

 _No, that’s a stupid thing to assume_ , he decided. _He doesn’t have to come out to me just because I did_. He wished he would though. Would it be weird to ask, on this level of friendship? Would Kageyama assume Hinata had a crush if he did ask?

Hinata shook his head. _Remember, you can’t even pursue this yet. You can’t be with him while you’re still in love with Haruka_. But, he decided, ‘not right now’ doesn’t necessarily mean never. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will have another chapter either tonight or tomorrow. All I want is to rush and write down all the scenes I'm imagining, but I know I have to plan it carefully. Anyways.  
> Thanks again for the comments! I get super excited every time I see the comment count has gone up :D


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama gets a text he doesn't want to see

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I am here for the second time today to mess things up. I'm almost done with chapter 10 too, but i wanna write chapter 11 before i post it cause i wanna see how it flows.

Kageyama had a problem. He currently struggled to even his breathing as he stared at his phone in the back of the café, not ready to open the message. The one person he didn’t want to hear from had texted.

“Hey, not that I want you up front or anything, but I don’t think Kuroo can take orders and make coffee at the same time.” Tsukishima said, not quite concerned.

Kageyama attempted to talk without shaking, but failed. “I’ll be out there in a second,” _Shit, I sound like I’m about to give a presentation_. The resulting silence concerned Kageyama. His fears were reaffirmed when he turned to see Tsukishima standing behind him, arms crossed. Kageyama never cried, but felt like it right now.

Tsukishima looked at him with a cold stare. Kageyama braced himself for the laughing or sarcastic comment, but was surprised when Tsukishima turned and walked out of the office silently. Kageyama heard the door to the front open. Kageyama hesitated, then walked out of the office and peered out the door. Tsukishima stood at the register taking orders while Kuroo was making coffees. Tsukishima’s pastries were abandoned on the prep tables.

Tsukishima was slow at taking orders, and not good at customer service, so Kageyama knew he needed to pull himself together now. But Tsukishima had just bought him a few minutes to relax himself.

Kageyama went back to the office and reasoned with himself. _You can deal with it later. Drink your coffee_. Kageyama took a sip and saw only swirls of colors, buzzing around quickly. _Idiot,_ he thought, _you have to savor it. Follow the process._ He tried to smell the coffee and smelled only a generic coffee smell. _One more time, one more_ , he thought to himself as he started to break.

He paused and imagined Hinata sitting next to him on the couch, as he tried to teach him to taste the notes of the coffee. Lightly, he inhaled the scent again. He saw smooth, wavy strokes. _Yes, just like that_ , he imagined telling Hinata. When he finally absorbed the aroma, Kageyama took a small sip and let the flavor float on his tongue. Finally, the colors warped into a sandy beach. The wind pushed his bangs backward, and the waves rolled out as his breathing began to match the rhythm.

Kageyama stood there, breathing and relaxing slowly, before he decided he was ready to face the world. As he walked by Tsukishima at the register, he mumbled “Thanks,” before Tsukishima finished the order and walked to the back wordlessly.

“I’m at the hazelnut mocha right now,” Kuroo said before returning to the register. “The milk is steamed too.”

“Did you use almond milk?” Kageyama said, reading the order closely and noticing the milk in the pitcher was a different texture from the almond milk.

“Ah, no,” Kuroo said, facepalming. “Nice catch.”

“No problem,” Kageyama muttered. This was where he needed to be. That text couldn’t disrupt his rhythm, because this was where he needed to be. If Kageyama hadn’t completely calmed down before, he had to be now. He was in his element. This was his present, and nobody could take it away from him.

Hinata came in for his daily coffee right as Kageyama’s shift was about to end. He remembered that Sugawara said that Hinata normally came at this time, but Kageyama rarely worked morning shifts. Now that the break had started, Kageyama found himself working in the morning more often and realized how regular Hinata was. He came in every day before his shift at the tattoo parlor started, almost at 12:15 on the dot every afternoon.

Hinata’s order changed daily, but usually erred on the side of something sweet, and iced or frozen. Kageyama noticed that Hinata was branching out beyond that too, sometimes. A few days ago, Hinata had ordered two coffees: one small black coffee and a medium frozen caramel latte.

“Buying something for a friend, Hinata?” Kuroo had asked, apparently also surprised at the black coffee.

“No,” Hinata said. Kageyama had not missed the slight blush to his cheeks. “I want to be able to drink black coffee. But I need something to wash it down with.” He explained quietly, apparently trying to be discrete. Kageyama pretended not to hear and hoped his scowling face didn’t reveal the pride he felt at the admission. He didn’t want to take credit for Hinata’s change of heart towards coffee, but he liked to think he played a part in it. He hoped Hinata was starting to see what he saw.

“Kageyama! Let’s play volleyball when you get off work,” Hinata yelled excitedly. Kageyama remembered the text. He wasn’t sure whether he would be able to at this point.

“I don’t know. Maybe not.” He said with a scowl that he hoped would deter Hinata. Hinata laughed.

“I’ll text you and check in later. I’ve never seen you say no to a volleyball match!” Kageyama would definitely rather go to a volleyball match than deal with… that.

“Probably not,” Kageyama said again, handing Hinata his drink. A coffee with just a small amount of cream and sugar. Kageyama smirked at the order. This was probably still not enough cream for Hinata, but he was trying at least.

“See ya,” Hinata said, walking away. It hurt him somewhere deep inside to watch Hinata go.

Kageyama’s fingers hovered over his messages when he went home. The most recent was from Hinata, asking what he was doing tonight. He decided to answer it first.

_1:20 pm I’m staying home. I cant go out tonight._

He knew he wouldn’t get a text back soon, as Hinata had a tattoo appointment today he knew would take hours. He raved about it all day the previous day; He was super excited to see how this one turned out. He said the customer chose one of his art pieces that he worked on for days, and he was excited to see how it looked as a tattoo. He hadn’t shown Kageyama what the piece looked like, but he trusted that it was as intricate as his other designs.

His next message was from Sugawara, asking whether more decaf coffee had been ordered. Kageyama replied quickly before he finally faced the message that was paining him.

_10:15 am Tobio, I think we should talk soon. There’s a lot we need to address._

The message was from his father.

Hinata wiped his hands off as he watched his client leave. Both he and the client were ecstatic about how the tattoo turned out. Hinata loved turning his own art into tattoos, and he loved his clients reactions even more.

Daichi stepped over to Hinata. “That was pretty good,” He commented with an impressed expression.

“You think? I wasn’t sure if I could finish it today, but I surprised myself.” Daichi hummed in response.

“It was one of yours wasn’t it?” Daichi asked.

“Yeah, I drew it last week. I liked it a lot so I added it to my portfolio.”

“Where’d you get the inspiration for that one?” Daichi asked, looking back at the sketch. It was a crow that stood atop an intricate crown, a luxurious robe draped across one side of its wing. “It wasn’t a Haruka drawing was it?” Daichi asked skeptically. He knew of her love for birds. Clients were automatically deferred to Hinata for bird tattoos because of his competence and skill with acing the design no matter the type of bird.

“No, this one just reminded me of someone,” Hinata corrected cryptically, thinking about jet black hair.

“Well, good job nonetheless. I hope you got a picture of the tattoo. I would put it up on the wall.”

“I did! I think it’s one of my favorites so far.” Hinata said excitedly.

“You know, me too,” Daichi said warmly, but then his expression turned serious. “Hinata, do you know that one barista really well?” Hinata’s face paled, afraid that Daichi had read his thoughts about Kageyama. He thought back to the drawing. It wasn’t that clearly about Kageyama was it?

“Which one?” He asked with a façade of curiosity.

“Sugawara,” Daichi said, rubbing his head in an embarrassed fashion.

“Oh yeah,” Hinata said brightly, relieved from the moment of horror. “He’s really great!”

“Yeah, he is.” Daichi agreed.

“You guys should hang out more!” Hinata suggested. “I see him every day when I get coffee. You should come too!” Daichi started muttering about not wanting to impose while Hinata went back to his station and began to clean up from the recent tattoo session.

Hinata finally got a chance to look at his phone and see that Kageyama had texted him back. Hinata's smile was wiped from his face as he read the response.

_1:20 pm I’m staying home. I cant go out tonight._

Hinata pouted. He really wanted to play volleyball tonight, and Kageyama gave the best tosses to practice with. He had anticipated that Kageyama would give it a second thought when he got home.

_4:35 pm Why? Got something to do?_

He didn’t get an answer that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anyone else reading the manga lately? Shits insane. I hold my breath by the end of every chapter.
> 
> anyway, I have a couple different plans for the next few chapters and i have to decide which one i wanna do.   
> I will probably have chapter 10 out by tomorrow afternoon, so see you then!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata confronts Kageyama about Kageyama's biggest regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I think this is my longest chapter yet, but I debated over it for hours trying to decide how to make the story progress right. Sorry for all the angst!

Was Hinata allowed to be annoyed right now? Two days had passed and Kageyama never answered his text, and apparently had been working his afternoon shift again. He was also slightly worried, wondering if Kageyama was having more ‘bad days’. On his daily visit to the café, approached Sugawara about it.

“He’s just having a rough time right now,” Sugawara explained, concerned. “He won’t talk much about it with me. Tanaka said he got a bit out of him, but doesn’t want to push further and won’t tell me about it.” Sugawara finished his frozen latte and delivered it, wiping a drip off the side. “Don’t worry, Tanaka said he’s fine. But he needs space right now.”

“He’s been coming to work, right?” Hinata asked curiously.

“Yes, I’ve been working with him for a few hours a day and it’s not affecting his work at all. He’s just very closed off right now. I wouldn’t try approaching him about it just yet.” Sugawara smiled sympathetically. “You don’t have to stop talking to him, but don’t push him right now.” Hinata took a sip of the black coffee and grimaced, reaching for the frozen latte to wash down the bitterness. He knew he wouldn’t start enjoying it if he didn’t try to… enjoy it… but he didn’t have the time to stop and savor it for right now.

He thanked Sugawara for the update and made his way to work, wondering what was going through Kageyama’s mind right now.

Kageyama had to make a decision now. It had been weighing on his chest for days now, and he couldn’t keep blowing it off. He didn’t want to ignore Hinata, but he knew he would see through his attempt of normalcy with ease.

The conversation with his father was very one-sided, more his father talking at him. He didn’t apologize, or try to fix the relationship, but instead came with bad news that Kageyama was not ready to hear right now. He wouldn’t ever be able to hear it, he supposed, but especially not right now when things were starting to go right.

Tanaka came over the next day, concerned about the setter’s state of mind.

“Seriously, at least give us a clue so we can help you. Or at least let us know if you DO need help. It’s hard being on the outside, Kageyama.” He said, concerned.

“I… don’t feel like talking about it. I’m just having some issues right now.” Kageyama took another sip of coffee, his very blood at this moment. “It’s not something that the ‘power of friendship’ or ‘changing my mindset’ can help with. Its just something unavoidable that I’ll have to deal with.”

“You’re not dying, are you?” Tanaka exclaimed, now fearful for his friend.

“No, nothing like that. Its—” Kageyama gulped and restarted. “Its my family.”

Tanaka’s eyes widened as Kageyama revealed this. “Your father?”

Kageyama nodded. “I really just don’t want to face him yet. But I’m going to have to soon.”

“What does he want?”

“It’s really not something I want to talk about yet. Please.”

Tanaka nodded solemnly. “We’re here for you when you’re ready. Just please come to us before you do anything drastic if that’s what you have in mind.”

“I will.” Kageyama promised.

Now, Kageyama stared at his phone trying to make a decision when a knock broke the silence, making Kageyama jump. He wasn’t expecting company. Then again, he never really expected company.

He was surprised to see Hinata standing at the door. He expected Hinata to reprimand him for not answering his messages, but instead Hinata crossed his arms. Kageyama didn’t say anything, because he didn’t know what he could say. He could apologize, or shut the door. Or tell him to scram. But he instead just continued staring awkwardly. There wasn’t anger in Hinata’s eyes. He couldn’t read Hinata’s expression well right now, but it wasn’t one of anger.

“Kageyama… you look like shit.”

Kageyama looked at himself. He just got off work an hour ago, so of course he didn’t look awesome. But he didn’t think ‘shit’ was the word to describe it.

“Not your clothes, stupid.” Hinata corrected. “You look like you haven’t slept in days.”

Kageyama evaluated his words. There was a bit of truth to them, but he had slept a bit.

“Ah… I’ve been drinking a lot of coffee. Its been keeping me up.”

“Just the coffee?” Hinata said, raising an eyebrow. “I get the feeling you’ve drinken enough coffee that it doesn’t keep you up at night alone anymore.”

 _Ouch._ Kageyama opened the door wider, wordlessly giving Hinata his consent to enter.

Kageyama followed the routine of moving to the kitchen to fix a couple cups of coffee as Hinata moved to the couch. When Kageyama returned with the coffee, he sat it in front of Hinata. Hinata was surprised to see milk in the cup. He took a sip, and it was perfectly sweetened to his tastes. Hinata smiled and his heart fluttered. _Not now_ , he chided himself.

“It’s perfect!” Hinata said.

“Of course it is. I can make coffee for anyone’s taste as long as I know what their tastes are,” Kageyama said confidently, though a slight blush dusted his cheeks. Hinata wanted to tease him, but was just glad to see his pride come out for a second.

“So,” Hinata began. “Got something you need to talk about?” Hinata asked. Kageyama frowned deeper.

“I already told Tanaka. Its not something you guys can help with. I do appreciate it, don’t get me wrong. But—” Kageyama was cut off by Hinata.

“I didn’t say you have to accept my help. I just want to know if you want to talk about it. It seemed to help. Last time.” Hinata offered.

Hinata tried to read Kageyama’s expression. He seemed like he wanted to talk about it, but something was holding him back.

“Kageyama?” Hinata tried again. “What’s wrong?”

Kageyama sighed. “It will unload a lot on you that you don’t want to get involved in. And,” Kageyama added, scowling and looking away, “You’ll probably lose a bit of respect for me.”

“Can’t lose what I didn’t have,” Hinata laughed, but quickly added “I’m joking I promise!” when he saw Kageyama’s frantic expression. “It would take a lot for me to hate you, bakageyama.”

Kageyama sighed, not quite ready to unload on Hinata for the second time in a few weeks. He wondered if Hinata thought he was pathetic for all of his issues.

“I was not all together when I was in high school.” He began. “My parents have been really strict with me my whole life. I’m not the best at keeping good grades, and I didn’t care much about anything besides volleyball. My parents wanted me to be a social butterfly in sports that has top grades, but that just wasn’t me. They wanted me to be like my sister.” Kageyama paused, trying to decide how to transition. “And, don’t get me wrong, I love my sister. She supported me more than my parents ever did and tutored me a lot. But she just didn’t get why I couldn’t do the same things as her.”

“My grandfather supported me the most. But he died when I was in middle school, and I kind of stopped caring about anything besides volleyball.” Hinata focused on his words, trying to figure out where this was going. “In high school I didn’t have friends, I was failing classes, and my parents gave up on me, called me a ‘lost cause’ to my face, and I gave up on myself.” Kageyama hesitated before continuing. “I was really mean. Really harsh to my parents. They said some harsh things back. Long story short, we haven’t talked to each other in years.”

“A couple days ago, my father called me. My mother died.” Kageyama said as his breath began to hitch. He paused to slow his breathing and Hinata patted his back. “She died—th-inking that I h—hate her.” Kageyama was, for the first time in years, actually crying. All of the pain and regret came flooding out at once as Hinata scrambled to set down his coffee and embrace him.

Hinata felt his own eyes watering for him. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?” he asked quietly. “You shouldn’t have had to keep working while you were mourning.”

“I don’t deserve to mourn her,” Kageyama said. “I don’t think I even deserve to go to her funeral.”

“Bullshit.” Hinata said bluntly. “Everyone makes mistakes. Even you.”

“Mine was a major fuck up though. She’ll never know that I wanted her to forgive me all this time. I wanted to show her that I could succeed.” Kageyama pulled away from Hinata with a desperate look on his face. “I was going to go back when I got my degree and show her that I knew what I was doing, that I took my parents advice and finally focused. I wanted to tell them they were right and I did exactly what they wanted.”

“Kageyama…” Hinata said sadly. “I’m sure she wanted nothing more than to know that you were happy. You should go to her funeral and tell her.”

“But my father must hate me now,” Kageyama said, burying his face in his hands. “He must hate me for disappearing like that. And only coming back to see my mother buried.”

“Do you really think that?” Hinata asked. Kageyama nodded. Hinata was astonished. He couldn’t imagine his parents ever hating him. Even when he fucked up, they were there to support him. “I don’t think he’ll hate you. You should tell him what you told me.”

“What if he does hate me? What if he doesn’t accept my apology?”

“Then you deal with that when you get there. But you can’t live your life thinking ‘What if’. What if you don’t go, and don’t apologize, and your father dies too?” Kageyama began crying harder, but Hinata continued. “If you still care about them, then you should go. I don’t think he’ll hate you. He might still be bitter, but he won’t hate you.” Kageyama hoped he was right.

“I just don’t want to face him alone. Him and Miwa-- my sister,” He explained.

“I’ll come with you!” Hinata immediately said. “Or-“ Hinata remembered that he surely wasn’t Kageyama’s first choice of companion. “Sugawara. Or Tanaka,” Hinata listed. “We’re all here to support you. If you really want to face him and apologize, then we are here to support you in that.”

Kageyama was silent, aside from his shaky breathing. Hinata continued. “You definitely don’t have to bring anyone with you, but if it will help you then we want to be there for you.”

“I can’t drag you guys into this. You’ve already done so much. And my father isn’t a very pleasant person when he’s upset. I do love him, but I definitely got my harshness from him.”

“You aren’t harsh.” Kageyama scowled at him, proving his point. “You aren’t unreasonably harsh,” Hinata corrected. Hinata wanted nothing more than to tell Kageyama how fluttery he made his heart right now, but now was definitely not the right time for something like that. “I’m sure that if you can deal with him, any of us can deal with him.”

Kageyama thought long and hard about it. “I should probably tell Sugawara and Tanaka, shouldn’t I?”

“Probably. You don’t have to, but I think they’re just as concerned as I was.”

“Yeah.”

Kageyama called Sugawara. It was a long conversation, but mostly on Sugawara’s end. Hinata couldn’t hear Sugawara’s responses, but Kageyama said nothing but the occasional “Yeah.” And “No.”

Eventually, the conversation ended, and Kageyama called Tanaka too. This conversation was much shorter, and when Kageyama finally ended the call, he turned to Hinata.

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot to do this week, so I probably won't have a chapter every day anymore. but you can expect the next chapter to be out by wednesday or thursday!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama visits his family home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a bit late! It's been a crazy week. unfortunately, it will not get better until next week so I plan on the next update being saturday or sunday. Hope you enjoy!

Kageyama was silent on the way to his hometown. Hinata tried to joke with him a few times but his jokes fell into silence. He knew Kageyama was upset. Scared, sad, anxious… He didn’t blame him for not wanting to joke around right now. But something about the frown on Kageyama’s face right now just made Hinata’s heart ache. He wanted to do anything he could to fix it.

Hinata was surprised Kageyama didn’t ask Sugawara or Tanaka to come. Surely they would know what to do right now. Hinata was sure it was probably because he didn’t want to bother them, but he still felt a bit out of place. He probably would have insisted on going alone if he wasn’t okay with Hinata being there though, Hinata decided.

They came to a old but nice house. In front of the house was a small garden with hundreds of colorful flowers. The house itself was modest, but held itself with dignity. As the two approached the door, Hinata saw Kageyama hesitate at the door.

“Should I knock? I don’t think I live here anymore technically,” He said, unsure. He finally raised his fist to knock as the door opened quickly, and Kageyama was engulfed in a hug before Hinata could process it.

“Tobio!” A woman, not much older than Kageyama, held him tightly while beginning to cry. Kageyama tensed up, then relaxed into the embrace.

“Miwa,” Kageyama’s voice was slightly shaky, but he continued. “I missed you.”

A tall man that shared Kageyama’s dark hair and scowl appeared in the doorway, sizing up the scene before him. Wordlessly, he turned around and disappeared into the house. Kageyama was right about his personality, Hinata decided.

When Miwa finally released Kageyama, she led them inside to the sofa.

“Tobio, who is this?” She asked when she was able to speak again.

“This is Hinata, a good friend of mine.” Miwa was speechless.

“A friend?” She asked, astonished.

“Don’t act so surprised,” Kageyama griped, looking away.

“That’s great!” She said with a wide smile that shone through her tears. “Thank you for coming, Hinata.”

“Pardon the intrusion!” Hinata said respectfully. “I just wanted Kageyama… Tobio… to have someone here with him. For support!” Miwa nodded.

“Please! By all means, a friend of Tobio is always welcome here.”

“Is he…” Kageyama interrupted, gesturing to the floor above.

“Yes. We should probably talk before you confront him though,” Miwa suggested. Kageyama looked at Hinata awkwardly.

“Don’t mind me, I can leave for a minute,” Hinata quickly said. He didn’t want to get in the way of an important conversation.

“Feel free to go to the back porch,” Miwa offered. “It’s a nice place to sit.” Kageyama nodded in agreement. Hinata gathered his things and made his way outside.

“He hates me, doesn’t he?” Kageyama asked, already dreading the answer.

“He does not. None of us did, Tobio,” Miwa said sadly. “We could never hate you. You’re family.”

“That doesn’t mean much. I definitely deserved it if you did,” Kageyama shook his head.

“Well, he doesn’t hate you…” Miwa said, trailing off.

“But?” Kageyama pressed.

“But he is angry.” She said. “Or disappointed. He’s mourning, Tobio. If he doesn’t come around now, he will later.”

“I would understand if he didn’t though.” Kageyama put his face in his hands. “I really wanted to come back. This whole time.”

“Tobio.” Miwa said, now in an irritated tone. “I called. So many times, I called you. I only knew you were still alive because I could find you in the student directory. I told them all the time, ‘He will come back. He doesn’t hate us.’” The heartbreak in Kageyama’s eyes did not keep her from going. “I dealt with restless nights, making myself sick worrying about you. So when I say, ‘We still love you,’ don’t dare doubt it.” She held his hand tightly. “Yes, he is bitter that mom didn’t get to see you come back, but he’s scared to death that you’ll leave again and it will be his funeral you return to!”

Kageyama flinched. She really hit the spot that hurt. Kageyama was glad he got all of his tears out the day before or he would definitely be bawling by now. “I know. And you have no idea how much regret I’ve had. This whole time. Or maybe you do,” Kageyama said apologetically. “I won’t leave again. At least, not for as long.”

“Okay. Now I think you should talk to him,” Miwa suggested. “He’ll be upset. But trust me, he’ll get over it.”

Miwa went to fetch Hinata as Kageyama made his way upstairs.

Miwa and Hinata sat in awkward silence for a few moments before Miwa finally broke the silence.

“So, how has Tobio been lately?” Miwa asked. Hinata wasn’t sure how to answer. He himself had only known Kageyama for less than a month. And in that time, it had been hard to judge. Miwa probably saw the hesitation in his eyes because she immediately asked “Not so good, huh?”

“He’s been doing really well,” Hinata said. “He’s working on his degree, has great friends, has a job that he’s extremely passionate about. And let me stress,” Hinata added, “ _Extremely_ passionate about. It’s just—” Hinata stopped himself. Kageyama’s depression was a private matter. He shouldn’t just talk about it.

“Just?” Miwa pressed, anticipation clear in her eyes.

“He… You should talk to him more. He’s not… He—” Hinata couldn’t get out the words. “He’s doing better. But… you should talk to him.” Miwa nodded slowly, silently.

“I think I know what you’re talking about now.”

“He has a lot of friends. A good support system,” Hinata insisted. “But he has—he could use more.” Hinata didn’t want to lay all of Kageyama’s issues out to his sister, but he knew Kageyama could open up to her probably better than himself. Hinata just wanted him to be happy and have people to turn to.

“I see. Well, thank you for being one of them, Hinata.” Miwa smiled at Hinata enthusiastically. Miwa stood up to make tea, offering some to Hinata. Hinata realized then how much he wanted a cup of coffee at that moment, but accepted the tea politely.

The two made small talk about Hinata’s occupation. Miwa was surprised about the tattoos and piercings! Hinata told her stories about the tattoo parlor, but reassured that he would remove the piercings and cover the tattoos for the funeral.

“May be a good idea,” Miwa pondered. “There are a few of our relatives that may not be ecstatic about them.” Miwa’s eyes widened at something in the distance behind Hinata. He turned towards the stairs to see Kageyama with bloodshot eyes. But more importantly, ever so slightly, he was smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So assuming all goes to plan, expect the next update to be this weekend. See you then!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama approaches his father and remembers the day they last saw each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm early this time because I had a bit of spare time and needed a break. so I will hopefully post tomorrow or sunday too, depending on a lot of things. I hope the flashbacks are still clear in this chapter? I experimented a little bit with the formatting and I hope it doesnt make it hard to read.

As Kageyama walked upstairs, he felt numb. He didn’t know how to feel. It was as though his emotions fell out of him on the trip and he carried an empty mannequin. Even talking to Miwa, he felt dispassionate, even though he knew he felt happy about seeing his sister again. It was just a surreal, fictitious moment. This frustrated Kageyama.

He wanted to hug her tight and tell her everything he’d felt over the years. All of his regret, all of his anger, he wanted to empty out and get her calming advice. But he knew that would have to come later.

He now faced the closed door. So clear in his memory, he saw it slamming behind him as he stormed out of the house.

“Tobio!” Miwa yelled, tears streaming down her face as she followed him down the stairs. “Please. Don’t go yet.”

“I’m tired of this. I’m tired of him,” Kageyama said, fury evident in his voice. Kageyama’s mother stood near the back door, also crying. Kageyama ignored the hurt in her eyes. “Both of you,” Kageyama said with venom towards his mother.

“Tobio,” Miwa said again desperately. “He doesn’t mean it. He loves you,” she insisted.

“That’s not what he said just now.” Kageyama said in a low, angry voice. “I’ve tried so hard, and nothing I do is ever enough for any of you.” He directed his words at his mother. “Did you ever ask me why I couldn’t keep my grades up? Have you ever wondered why I can’t practice as hard as I used to? Or why I can’t make friends?” Kageyama pushed his words out forcefully. He’d been holding it in so long and now he couldn’t stop.

“Please, talk about it now,” His mother pleaded.

“If you cared you would have talked with me about it a year ago. When I tried to talk about it and you didn’t believe me,” Kageyama shook his head. He finally had all of his important belongings packed: His money, a backpack full of clothes, and a volleyball. “I’m leaving. Don’t look for me, because I’m not coming back.”

He glanced once more at the door at the top of the stairs. He hoped his father could hear this conversation. He walked out the door without looking back to see his family watch him go.

Kageyama finally knocked on the door, quietly. So different from how he pounded on the door. That day.

“Dad?” he said quietly.

His father never answered when he knocked on the door before, so Kageyama was surprised to hear:

“Come in.” Kageyama tentatively stepped inside to see the darkened room.

“Tobio.” The low voice said quietly. He sat at his desk, facing away from Kageyama, typing on the computer. Just like before.

“I have a lot to say, and a lot to explain.” Kageyama said, “But I’m sure you have more to say, and I’m ready to hear it” His father stopped typing and sighed.

“I don’t have anything to say,” He said, with a dull, tired tone.

_“I don’t have anything to say,” He had said, angry and sharp._

“I know you do, and I want you to say it,” Kageyama replied.

_“Like hell you don’t, you always do. Do you want to call me useless again? Slap me again?” Kageyama had replied._

“I’m tired, Tobio. I’ve waited so long for you to come back.”

_“I’m pissed Tobio. If you don’t want to find your way, then I can’t help you anymore.”_

“I wanted to for so long. I didn’t think I deserved to.”

_“Then I’ll go find it myself. I don’t deserve to sit here and be treated like a burden from my family.”_

His father was silent.

_“You are the one that made yourself a burden. Don’t pretend to be the victim here.”_

Kageyama continued. “I wanted to wait to come back until I’d found my way.”

_“Then you shouldn’t have a problem with me leaving,” He said as he turned around and reached for the door._

_“Just walk away, like you do with all of your responsibilities,” His father said angrily. “Once again, you are a stain to the Kageyama name.”_

“She wanted to see you.” His father finally said quietly. “She was the most upset about you leaving. She didn’t deserve what you said.” Kageyama knew if he could see his father’s face, it would be scowling right now.

“I wish more than anything I could go back and see her one more time,” Kageyama said. “I still don’t think I deserve to. But I’m back now.”

“Now that she’s dead,” His father said bitterly.

“Yes,” Kageyama said, barely audible. “I’m sorry.” Kageyama finally started crying as he was slammed into the present by his father’s words. “I’m so, so sorry. Please forgive me, Dad.”

_His father turned around, hatred clear in his eyes. “You aren’t my son.”_

His father turned around, tears silently spilling down his face, matching his son’s. “She’s gone.”

Kageyama fell to the floor, sobbing, as his father’s words knocked him over. His father never cried. Neither did he, but now both were a mess as they mourned.

 _“I hate you,” Kageyama hissed out_.

“I never hated you. Or mom. I’m so sorry for that day,” Kageyama pleaded.

_“I’m never coming back.”_

_“Don’t. You don’t deserve to.”_

“Don’t. Don’t apologize.” Kageyama’s father said behind the tears. “It was me, all of this time, that kept you from coming back. I’m every bit as guilty as you.” Kageyama looked up. His father kneeled on the ground next to him. “If it weren’t for me, your mother may have seen her son again.”

Both were silent, before his father finally said, “I’m sorry, Tobio.”

“I am too. I won’t leave again.” Kageyama promised.

“How long will you be here now?”

“We brought enough clothes for two days. But we can leave sooner if you need.”

“No,” His father shook his head. “That’s great. We have a lot to talk about. Later.”

Kageyama nodded.

“Now, if you don’t mind, I just need some time.” He said, walking back to his desk.

Kageyama watched him sit at his desk before turning to face the door.

“Tobio?” His father paused. “Thank you for coming back.”

_He stormed out and slammed the door behind him._

Kageyama closed the door quietly and padded down the stairs. When he saw Miwa and Hinata conversing patiently on the couch, he smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was painful. but I had it planned out for a while and I knew it needed to happen.  
> Expect the next chapter either tomorrow or sunday! thank you all for the kind comments :) it really does make my day every time i see one.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata and Kageyama spend the night and Kageyama says goodbye to his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again, This chapter is pretty depressing I think. If you wanna skip the funeral then you won't miss much except angst. But this is the end of the angst for a bit! (Havent decided about later though)

Kageyama and Hinata spent the night in Kageyama’s old room. Besides being cleaner than it was when he left, Kageyama could see it was rather untouched. Hinata paced slowly, looking at all of the books on the bookshelf and small knick knacks that commemorated his childhood.

“That’s so many volleyball magazines!” Hinata commented. “It’s amazing!”

“Yeah… It was pretty much all I cared about in high school. So I had a lot.”

Hinata gasped at the trophies and medals on another shelf. “You won so many games!”

“Well…” Kageyama sat on his old bed and felt the back of his head. “Yeah. Several of the trophies are just middle school ones though. They were basically participation trophies. A lot of my team members got them.”

“I played volleyball in high school too, and I didn’t get half as many trophies as you.” Hinata thought about it for a second. “Actually, I didn’t get any.”

“How did you have to think about that, dumbass?” Kageyama said, astonished at his stupidity.

“My memory is bad!” Hinata stuck out his tongue.

Hinata finally sat on the ground and looked up at Kageyama. “What time do we have to get up tomorrow?”

“The service is at 9:00. So probably by 7.” Kageyama looked at his watch and sighed. It was already 10:00 and he was getting tired. “I should probably sleep soon.” Hinata nodded.

“Where are the futons? I can set mine up myself.”

Kageyama shook his head. “You can have my bed. I’ll use the futon.”

Hinata looked at the bed. It was huge, at least a queen size. “No! I insist. I really don’t mind.”

“Idiot, you came to a town you’ve never been to for the funeral of a mother you never knew, of the friend you’ve only known for a month. At least take my bed.”

Hinata sighed. He was not going to win. “Fine. But this makes us even.” They continued arguing as Kageyama set up the futon on the ground before they both went to sleep.

Hinata woke up in the middle of the night to a conversation. He didn’t fully register it for a minute, but he fully woke up and could hear every word. He turned to look at the ground and saw that Kageyama was not in his futon, blankets scattered on the floor.

“That’s serious, Tobio!” Hinata heard Miwa exclaim loudly.

“Well, it’s in the past.”

“Apparently not, if you think about it that often.” Hinata wanted so badly to stop listening. He knew he was eavesdropping on an important conversation. Hinata checked the time; it was barely past midnight.

Kageyama said something that Hinata couldn’t hear.

“Of course I’m upset!” Miwa seemed to be crying. “You come back after three years and I find out that you’ve been suicidal? Have you been seeing a therapist at least?” Hinata couldn’t hear his answer. “Good.”

“I get lectured about it daily from my friends. You don’t have to do it too.”

“Well it’s my job. As your older sister. I should have been there to lecture you for the past few years.”

“It’s not your fault… I didn’t let you.” Hinata tried to put a pillow over his head. It didn’t drown anything out. The walls really were paper thin. “It’s okay, I haven’t tried to in the last year.” The last… year?

“Tobio. That’s good, but a year isn’t a very long time.” No shit. “Please keep talking to us. We want to help you.”

“I can really handle it. I promise. I’ve been doing it my whole life.”

“Apparently not if you’ve tried to kill yourself three times.” Hinata’s eyes widened. He only mentioned one time to Hinata.

“I didn’t try to three times. I only planned them. And I talked to my therapist about it afterwards.”

“But what if you don’t?” Miwa insisted. “What if you plan it out, and go through with it before you talk to a therapist?” Miwa said, almost hysterically. “I have to bury my mother. And eventually my father too. Please don’t leave me alone, Tobio. I love you so much.” Hinata couldn’t hear Kageyama’s answer if he did. “Don’t let today tear you up too much. It will be ok.” The rest of the conversation was unintelligible, both to Hinata’s gratitude and worry.

Kageyama quietly crept back into the room and sat on the futon, but didn’t lay down. Instead, he crouched over and put his face in his hands. Hinata sat up, but Kageyama didn’t acknowledge him. Hinata didn’t speak, but sat quietly next to Kageyama and put his arm around Kageyama’s shoulder. Kageyama tensed, but didn’t object. They stayed like that for a few minutes, when Kageyama finally spoke, barely audible.

“Miwa found my antidepressants while doing laundry,” Kageyama explained quietly. “I know I’m not okay, but please pretend like I am.” He said, voice shaking. “It helps, I promise. And I am getting better, slowly.” Hinata nodded, even though he knew Kageyama couldn’t see it. “I have a therapist. And I’m slowly letting go of my regrets. I am getting better. I am.”

Before Hinata knew it, they both fell asleep.

Hinata woke up comfortably. He felt really warm. He opened his eyes slowly and realized the predicament he was in; His face rested in Kageyama’s chest with an arm around him. Did they fall asleep like that? Did Kageyama know already? Hinata wanted to stay like that for a bit longer, but also wanted to save Kageyama the embarrassment of coming to the same realization.

Hinata couldn’t decide how to pull himself from Kageyama. If he did it slowly, maybe he wouldn’t wake up? Or maybe he should jump back quickly so Kageyama wakes up, but doesn’t realize what position they were in. Hinata finally slowly peels his face from Kageyama and lifts his arm successfully. He realizes another issue, though; their legs were intertwined. Hinata blushes profusely as he tried to lift a leg away.

Kageyama stirs quietly, and Hinata’s heart skips a beat as he freezes. But Kageyama, seemingly still asleep, turns away from Hinata, freeing Hinata’s leg. Hinata lets out a sigh of relief as he gathers himself and creeps downstairs.

“Good morning,” Miwa says quietly to him. Hinata looks at his phone; it’s 6:48 am. He was up early.

“Morning,” Hinata replies.

“Do you like coffee?” Miwa asks, lifting the empty pot.

“Sure,” Hinata says. Miwa opens a bag of ground coffee and scoops out a few spoonfuls. Hinata was used to Kageyama grinding the beans himself every time, and Hinata was almost taken aback. He didn’t realize how methodically Kageyama prepared everything; Watching Miwa make coffee so clumsily almost made Hinata want to laugh. He knew he would make it the same, but Kageyama almost treated the coffee the way Hinata treated a low-density charcoal. So careful and gentle about every movement.

“Do you like anything in it?” Miwa asked.

“I… usually try it black first.” Hinata answered. He at least liked to see how the coffee tastes before the cream and sugar.

“Ok,” Miwa nodded. “Well, the cream is in the fridge and the sugar is in that canister.” Hinata thanked her as he took a small sip. It was disgusting. Even for his standards of black coffee, it was more bitter and he couldn’t taste anything besides… coffee. Hinata reached for the sugar, embarrassed.

“Not your taste?” Kageyama’s voice came from behind him.

“Shut up!” Hinata said. “It’s just more bitter than usual.

“That’s because it’s stale.” Kageyama explained. “That’s why I always grind my own coffee.”

“Oh.” Hinata said quietly.

“My coffee isn’t good enough?” Miwa laughed.

“No.” Kageyama said bluntly. “Not for a barista anyway.” Kageyama revealed his own bag of coffee beans, to which Miwa and Hinata began laughing hard. Kageyama scowled.

“Only you would pack coffee beans.” Hinata said, laughing harder.

“Do you want some or not?” Kageyama said angrily.

“We don’t have a coffee grinder,” Miwa said, giggling still.

“Oh.” Kageyama sat the beans on the counter. “I’ll go grab mine,” He turned around, not realizing the comedy in what he just said. Miwa and Hinata lost it as Kageyama scowled deeper, walking upstairs.

Kageyama made his own batch of coffee, which Hinata appreciated deeply. After tasting the flat, flavorless brew that Miwa made, this cup was delectable. He still added some cream and sugar, but not nearly as much as he would have added to the other cup.

Hinata sighed as he realized what was coming that day. Funerals were not fun. He recalled going to his own grandmother’s funeral. It was not going to be happy soon.

After finishing his coffee, he went upstairs to take out his piercings. Yachi gave him some foundation to hide the tattoos on his arms, in case he needed to roll up his sleeves. He had no idea how to put it on, so he slathered it on like sunscreen. The problem came when he realized that it wasn’t drying like sunscreen. It was oily and rubbed off on his shirt. Luckily, this shirt was an old shirt he never wore anywhere. He was still sad though, because it was a good shirt.

Miwa saw him struggling as she walked by the door and led him to the bathroom to rinse it off.

“Use a brush and put a small amount on. Then, if it’s not enough, blend it in and add a bit more,” She explained. Hinata nodded slowly and followed her instructions. He touched it lightly, and this time it didn’t rub off immediately. “Now use this,” She held up a spray bottle. “This will make it easier to keep on.” Hinata marveled at the makeup. It didn’t cover it up completely, but it was only noticeable if you looked close. He didn’t plan on taking off his jacket anyway, but it was interesting to see himself as he looked in high school.

He’d never wanted to take out his piercings or cover up his tattoos. Each one had meaning to him, and he felt like they were a part of him. Kageyama saw him and his eyes widened, but he didn’t say anything. Hinata’s heart fluttered.

Kageyama’s father emerged from his room, wearing all black. Hinata still had not spoken to him, so he was not sure how to talk to him.

“You’re Hinata?” He asked with a deep voice.

“Yes sir,” He bowed respectfully. “Thank you for allowing me to stay,” Hinata said.

“No, the pleasure is mind. She would have loved meeting you,” He said somberly.

Hinata nodded wordlessly. It was time to go.

The funeral was small, and the atmosphere was somber. A picture of Kageyama’s mother was at the front of the room. She was smiling brightly, with eyes a deep blue like Kageyama’s. Hinata’s heart ached for Kageyama. She looked so kind.

Miwa talked the longest about her mother. She told several stories about her kindness, how great of a mother she was. Miwa cried the hardest.

Kageyama’s father didn’t say much. He had light tears streaming down his face, and leaned down next to the casket to say something quietly.

Finally, Kageyama went to the front of the room. He didn’t walk up to the podium, but rather crouched down next to the casket. He stayed there, talking under his breath. The room waited silently for him to move, but he continued talking quietly. Miwa stood up and walked to him, putting her hand on his back. Kageyama kept whispering. Finally, Hinata stood up and followed Miwa. He felt awkward and out of place, but he wanted to be there for his friend. Kageyama paused and looked at Hinata, tears streaming down his face.

“And this is Hinata. You would have loved meeting him. I only met him myself a while ago. He was a complete nuisance at first. And sometimes he still is,” Kageyama cracked a small smile. “But that’s what makes him a really great friend. I’m sorry you didn’t get to meet him while you were alive. Or Sugawara and Tanaka. I wanted to invite you to one of my games, and show you my degree. Please watch over me when I graduate. I know I made a lot of mistakes. And I’m gonna make a lot more. But I know you’ll be watching me and giving me advice like always. I’m sorry I didn’t follow it before.” Kageyama fell silent.

“Come on, Tobio. It’s time.” Miwa said gently. Kageyama cried a bit harder.

“Goodbye, mom.”

Kageyama was silent for the burial, and the trip back to his house. They ate dinner together, and the room was quiet when Miwa finally broke the silence that surrounded them for the last few hours.

“Hinata, how did you meet Kageyama?” Hinata looked up and smiled.

“It’s actually a hilarious story, although Kageyama didn’t think so at the time.” Hinata told the tale of the ridiculous name he made Sugawara write (“It took about 5 minutes! Luckily nobody was in line behind me then.”) and how Kageyama was able to drink the ashy drink with a relaxed composition while Hinata couldn’t even take a sip (“I threw it away immediately and went to the next nearest coffee shop. I didn’t want to meet his scary face again.”) Miwa was laughing throughout his dramatic tale. Even Kageyama’s father looked amused. Kageyama finally loosened up and began to savor the taste of his food. It was the most delicious meal he’d ever had, he decided.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I can, I will get another chapter out tomorrow. But this week is gonna be busy too so we'll see. If not sunday then I'll have it by tuesday for sure.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata has a surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm technically a day later than I thought I'd be. But heres a nice intermission from the angst.   
> I think it probably feels weird toning down the intensity from the last chapter, but I really wanted to write something lighter, and I wanted to link the next plot point that I wanna get to. Enjoy!

Kageyama stood at the counter lazily at work, watching over the store. Over a month had passed since the funeral, and life had fallen back into a routine. The routine was so much different now, though. Now, he hung out with his friends more often, and called his sister routinely. Occasionally, he would talk to his dad, though their relationship was still strained.

He still had not had a particularly bad day since the funeral, but he couldn’t chase away his thoughts. Sometimes, he would confide in Hinata, but those occasions were far and few in between. The sound of the door opening interrupted his reflection.

Sugawara immediately jumped and made himself look busy, peering over the counter at the tattoo artists that entered.

“Hey, Suga!” Hinata exclaimed, Daichi pulled along as they walked. “Hey, Kageyama! The coffee power duo is here today.”

“Hey,” Daichi said, rubbing the back of his head. “How’s business?”

Sugawara smirked, and Kageyama could tell he was thinking something devious.

“Hi, Daichi!” He exclaimed, a little falsely. “You sure have been coming here a lot lately. Almost daily!” Daichi chuckled nervously and crossed his arms. “You too, Hinata. You’ve been coming here later than usual. Always during mine and Kageyama’s shift, it seems.” Kageyama didn’t know what he was implying, but Hinata suddenly looked nervous too.

“It doesn’t matter,” Kageyama interrupted. He didn’t care about Sugawara’s weird implications. He had a job to do. “What are you guys getting today?”

“Kageyama!” Hinata said, sounding relieved and all too excited to change the subject. Weird. “Can you make me a cappuccino?”

“Any flavors this time?” Kageyama asked. “You did vanilla last time I think.”

“Nope,” Hinata put his hands on his hips and posed dramatically. “Just the cappuccino today.” Kageyama raised his eyebrows, but started making the drink. Sugawara and Daichi continued talking to each other while Hinata watched Kageyama make his drink. There was still something weird… challenging? To Sugawara’s inflection as he talked to Daichi. Kageyama still didn’t care that much.

“Try this,” Kageyama said, handing the drink to Hinata.

“Why’s it so small?” Hinata said, marveling at the tiny mug Kageyama handed him.

“This is a proper cappuccino,” Kageyama explained. “I’ll still make you the one you wanted, but I wanted to see how this one goes down.” Kageyama crossed his arms, waiting for Hinata to try the drink.

Hinata lifted the small cup from the saucer and smelled it lightly. He seemed pleased with the smell at least. Hinata finally took a small sip. Kageyama watched his face contort, not sure what ran through his head, before he finally lifted the cup for a second sip.

“Not a bust?” Kageyama asked. Usually if Hinata didn’t like a drink, he would let Kageyama know immediately.

“Not at all! It’s weird—stronger than I’m used to. But it’s good!” Kageyama released a small breath, relieved. He wondered how he went from frozen drinks to a proper cappuccino so quickly.

“You’re going back to class soon, right?” Hinata asked him.

“Yeah… I’m not too excited,” Kageyama said, not elaborating much.

“Are you taking any fun classes?” Hinata tried. Kageyama didn’t talk much about college.

“No.”

Hinata threw up his hands in defeat. “Fine! Don’t talk about it.”

“Hinata,” Kageyama said with a sigh. “I’m only really in college for volleyball. I don’t care about my classes much either way.”

“What are you studying?” Hinata asked curiously. “There’s not a ‘Volleyball major’ or anything.”

“Yeah, I know,” Kageyama said grumpily. “I’m studying sports therapy. I figured it may be useful but it hasn’t been. At all.” Kageyama scowled. “I make what I need to pass and that’s it.”

“Oh. Did you ever think about changing your major?” Hinata suggested. “Surely there’s something out there you’ll enjoy more.”

“I really don’t wanna talk about my future right now,” Kageyama dismissed. “What about you? Are you taking art classes?”

“Yep!” Hinata said cheerfully. “I’m not a full time student, but I take art classes to get better with my tattoo designs. I’m taking a studio drawing class.” Kageyama nodded. This seemed very Hinata-esque. “It takes up a lot of my time, and I have to work long days, but I enjoy it a lot!”

Daichi motioned to Hinata. They needed to get to work, especially since they came later than usual. Hinata tailed Daichi out the door, while Kageyama thought about what Hinata said. He just didn’t know what he would do beyond volleyball and coffee. He liked his job. And the first two years of college he didn’t even see himself graduating, so it was hard to imagine himself switching majors.

Kageyama pushed away thoughts about that conversation. He would think about it later, not at work.

Hinata pushed Kageyama to come to his house that night. He seemed super excited over the phone, so Kageyama didn’t question the situation. Kageyama stepped inside the Hinata household and was surprised to see piles of suitcases.

“Surprise!” Hinata said with more enthusiasm than Kageyama was ready for having worked on his feet for 7 hours.

“What?” Kageyama said, utterly confused.

“I’m moving!” Hinata said, picking up a suitcase. Kageyama was blown away for a second, but Hinata continued.

“I got the money for an apartment of my own, so I have more quiet space to study and draw. Also,” Hinata added, “It’s closer to both the university and my job. And I’m finally making enough at the parlor to be able to support myself alone.”

“That’s… Really great, Hinata.” Kageyama hoped he showed more enthusiasm than he usually did. “I’m surprised you weren’t talking about it all month.”

“I only knew about it a couple days ago,” Hinata explained. “I’ve been on a waiting list for a couple apartments for a while, but a tenant suddenly moved out of this one. So they got me in early!” Hinata began to drag Kageyama outside. “You’re gonna come see it now.”

Kageyama and Hinata carried the last of his belongings to his apartment. They had apparently finished bringing all of his stuff over the previous day and that morning, so now Hinata had just a few suitcases and dishes left to deliver.

Kageyama thought the apartment suited Hinata. It was small and bright, with a light yellow paint in the livingroom. The kitchen was also small, with a miniature stove and limited counterspace. Kageyama thought that may be a problem. Hinata loved to cook.

The most surprising part however was Hinata’s roommate. Kageyama played volleyball with Kenma weekly, but he never once mentioned being friends with Hinata, let alone knowing him well enough to move in with him. Then again, Kenma didn’t talk about much ever.

“What do you think?” Hinata asked expectantly. He looked like he could barely contain himself.

“It suits you. I’m happy for you,” Kageyama told Hinata with his best smile. Hinata laughed at him about it. Ignoring Hinata, Kageyama continued. “I didn’t know you got along with Kenma.”

“Kenma doesn’t talk much, but he plays video games well!” Kageyama was aware of this. “We play video games a lot, and one time I mentioned needing a roommate. I was as surprised about it as you were, but he offered because he wanted to move closer to the University.” Kageyama didn’t think Kenma would move for a small reason like that. “Also, apparently his parents were starting to limit his gaming.” Hinata snickered. “I think that was the main reason.” That, Kageyama decided, was more plausible.

“Look at all of this space!” Hinata said, showing Kageyama his room. Kageyama didn’t think it looked like that much space, but compared to the space Hinata shared with his sister before, it really was more spacious. “It will probably be lonely though,” Hinata whined. “I’ve never lived away from my family before. I’m sure you probably think I’m childish for that.”

Kageyama shook his head in disagreement. “I missed my family when I moved away. Everyone does.”

Hinata smiled brightly at Kageyama. “You’re going to have to come hang out more now. I cant cook full meals for just me and Kenma, so I need more people to experiment with.” Kageyama nodded. That made sense to him. “And you’re coming to my housewarming party. Don’t look at me like that!” Hinata said when he saw Kageyama’s scowl. He didn’t mean to scowl at that, but parties still were not his thing. “It will only be people you know this time. Why did you scowl more!” Kageyama disliked this idea more with every second he thought about it. But he’d go for at least a while to support Hinata.

Kageyama went home that night and laid in bed. In the middle of his big, lonely apartment. Alone with his thoughts again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly have no clue when I will get to the next chapter, so I will say by Sunday. But it may be sooner. It literally completely depends on fate and chance.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata throws a housewarming party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I'm super busy so I have no clue when I'll get the chapter out" just punch me already. Anyway.  
> Here's the next chapter! like I said before, I am really busy so when I get chapters out is completely random right now. But i'll have another before sunday!

Suga knew, and Hinata knew he knew. Hinata avoided being alone with Sugawara, because he didn’t want to have that conversation. Why else would he take on that tone of voice? Hinata thought about it while he unpacked that night. Kageyama didn’t seem to reciprocate the feelings. Or if he did, he was really good at hiding it.

That’s what made Hinata nervous. Kageyama was really good at pushing down his feelings about anything and everything, so it was hard to tell what he was thinking unless he said it outright. Which he didn’t. Hinata may be a dumbass in almost every aspect of life, but he was good at people. This made a closed book like Kageyama frustrating; It’s as if even Kageyama didn’t think about his own feelings. Hinata figured this was probably a pretty good evaluation.

It still couldn’t happen, though. He still loved Haruka. Did he though? Hinata combed through his past few weeks. He’d been really distracted, so he didn’t think about Haruka almost at all. Maybe he needed to talk to Yachi again…

That wasn’t the issue at hand, though. He needed to figure out how to be more subtle about his theoretical crush. He could stop getting coffee. Hinata shuddered at the thought of not getting his daily caffeine intake. He could also begin going at different times. But then he wouldn’t see Kageyama as often, and he didn’t like that option either. Sugawara’s shift ended at close, like Kageyama’s.

Hinata sighed in defeat. He would probably just have to confront Sugawara about it eventually. He just wanted to extend that day as far into the future as he could.

Hinata thought about Daichi too. What was Daichi hiding that had Sugawara picking on him too? It couldn’t be as embarrassing as Hinata’s secret.

Kageyama went to Hinata’s housewarming party. It wasn’t as bad as he expected. He limited the number of guests since he couldn’t fit too many in the shoebox of an apartment. Much to Kageyama’s dismay, Tanaka brought a lot of alcohol.

Kageyama also brought a gift. He was bad buying gifts, so he stuck to things he knew. He bought Hinata a coffee grinder and a few bags of his favorite blends.

“Thanks, Kageyama!” Hinata exclaimed enthusiastically. If it was a bad gift, Hinata sure didn’t show it. He immediately took it out of the box and sat it next to a small, cheap coffee maker that had clearly seen a few years. Kageyama decided that would be the next gift Hinata got.

It was a cheerful night, until the idiots around him got drunk. Kageyama had never seen Sugawara drunk before, but it was an interesting sight. He was much harsher with his insults and blunt with his judgements. At one point, Hinata thanked him for a nice blanket that Sugawara bought. Kageyama watched Sugawara lean in close as Hinata’s face turned bright red. Clearly the alcohol loosened his tongue enough to mock Hinata somehow, and Kageyama was about to knock some sense into him. Before Kageyama could make his way across the room, though, Hinata shook his head and laughed. Kageyama could tell he was covering up embarrassment, but he didn’t seem too outwardly torn up about it.

When Sugawara reached his limit, Daichi offered to drive him home. Sugawara cackled violently at the suggestion, but didn’t object to being steadily led out the door.

The rest of the guests were loud and roudy, but controllably so. Kageyama flinched when something was dropped on the ground, making a loud thump that he would never allow in an apartment. This was why Kageyama didn’t throw parties. That, and many other reasons.

Eventually, those that were too drunk to drive fell asleep in their respective spots and those that had obligations left the apartment. Hinata and Kageyama were left alone. Hinata was mildly tipsy, but not drunk by any means.

“Do you draw, Kageyama?” Hinata asked in the now quiet room. It was approaching 2 am, and Kageyama had just been considering going home. He was taken aback by the question.

“Never,” Kageyama said, shaking his head. “I’ve never been artistic.” Hinata nodded, contemplating this.

“That’s strange to me.” Hinata said curiously. Kageyama frowned. “Not that strange, but you just seem very artistically inclined to me.”

“I’ve never heard that before,” Kageyama said truthfully. He never really had a passion beyond volleyball. And coffee, more recently.

“Well, you definitely have the mind of an artist. You know how to think abstract.” Kageyama considered this. He’d been called ‘simple minded’ too many times to believe that. “You do!” Hinata insisted. I’ll show you what I mean.

Hinata brought Kageyama back to his room and pulled out a sketch pad that was almost as long as Kageyama’s torso. “Take this pencil. Start sketching something. Anything.” Kageyama handed him the sketch pad and the pencil. “I want to see what you can do without any instruction.

Hinata crouched down beside Kageyama as he sat on the floor and held the pencil hesitantly above the paper. He decided he wanted to draw a tree. He pictured the branches spiraling in all directions, and couldn’t decide where to begin. Every time he began to press the pencil down, he changed his mind and moved it somewhere else on the page.

“See?” Hinata said. Kageyama didn’t see, as he hadn’t even made a mark on the page. “You have thoughts and ideas in your head that you want to translate to the paper, but you don’t know where to start. That’s why you kept moving the pencil before you could draw anything.” Kageyama thought that was actually pretty accurate. He just couldn’t translate it to an image.

“Without thinking, just start drawing. I don’t expect it to be a masterpiece for someone that has never drawn before.” Being a perfectionist, Kageyama didn’t like this ideology. If it didn’t look as he envisioned it the second he put the pencil down, he wanted to quit. Nonetheless, He began moving the pencil with long, wispy movements. Hinata watched, nodding along with his work.

“That’s what I thought,” Hinata said as Kageyama finished. It looked like shit, and He knew Hinata was going to call him out for it. “You do have an artist in you!”

_What?_

“Please explain how you see these scribbles and think ‘Ah, an artist!’ because I clearly am missing what you see,” Kageyama demanded. Hinata sat down next to Kageyama and reached his arm over the drawing, tracing the lines carefully.

“Most people that have never drawn a tree before will start with really straight lines, no texture. And they focus more on the leaves of the tree, and not the branches.” Hinata pointed to the branches of the tree, and the bark Kageyama attempted. “And you added texture, and a little bit of shading. You aren’t very practiced, I can tell, but you know how to translate values to the page. I think you should keep practicing.” Hinata fumbled for a second. “I mean, if you want. I know you are probably really busy all the time. But I’d be happy to help you learn how to get better.”

Kageyama considered the offer. He didn’t care much either way, but he was slightly interested in seeing what Hinata had to say about art. He listened to Kageyama talk about coffee in every other conversation. He might as well try to be the student for once, though he didn’t like the idea of being the novice in something again.

After ten years of silence, Kageyama nodded wordlessly. Hinata smiled happily and stumbled getting back up.

“I need to go to bed soon.” Kageyama said, also standing up. “I don’t work until the afternoon tomorrow, but it is getting pretty late.”

“Definitely! I’ll be at the café tomorrow for my usual.”

“What usual?” Kageyama asked. “You get something different almost every visit.”

“Oh, I didn’t tell you?” Hinata laughed. “That cappuccino is my new usual.”

“No,” Kageyama said, frowning slightly. It was more a frown of curiosity, though. “You didn’t say that.”

“That’s the joke, bakageyama. Well, it is. I’m excited to get one tomorrow.” Hinata walked Kageyama to the door, dodging the bodies passed out on the ground as he went. “Have a good night!”

“Thanks, you too.” Kageyama said, watching the light from inside the apartment disappear as Hinata closed the door and began turning off lights. He was left to the blue darkness of the 4 am sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you were probably thinking "party, secret crush, hinata's own apartment??" theres gotta be something going on but sorry. I'm dragging this out too long lol


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things look up for Hinata, and Kageyama is irritated again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I am back (about a week late, Sorry)  
> It was. the busiest week ever for me. and I was a bit unmotivated and uninspired. But I have ideas now!  
> Enjoy the chapter!

Hinata stood next to the door when Kageyama left. It was dark, and he was exhausted. He thought long and hard about the events of the night.

When Sugawara approached him, drunk off his ass, Hinata was afraid he’d yell out something… revealing. But to his surprise, Sugawara leaned in close. Hinata could see Daichi staring in shock as Sugawara cupped his hands around Hinata’s ear and whispered. Sugawara’s breath left goosebumps down his back. 

“You guys would be good together.” Hinata’s face heated. He wasn’t ready for this conversation, but he could see a glint to Sugawara’s expression that told that he wasn’t escaping right now. He met Kageyama’s eyes from across the room, who looked like he was ready to come and punch Sugawara. He didn’t want that, so he played it off with a winded laugh. 

“What do you mean?” Hinata asked, hoping his face wasn’t as red as it felt. Sugawara leaned in again, still determined.

“He doesn’t think about you that way. Yet.” Sugawara said, emphasizing the “Yet” when Hinata’s face looked slightly downtrodden. “But I’ve never seen him get so close and open up to someone so quickly.” Sugawara’s words were slurred, but the message behind them were surprisingly sober. “Maybe you should open up to him too.” Hinata nodded, not able to say anything.

“Sugawara!” Daichi interrupted. “Do you think you’re ready to go home?” He asked, almost annoyed but at the same time nervously. Hinata marveled at this contradicting presence emanating from Daichi.

“Not at all,” Sugawara laughed, not breaking eye contact with Hinata. Hinata prayed for help.

“You have to work tomorrow, and you can barely walk straight,” Daichi insisted. “You should go home soon.” Sugawara pouted very immaturely, but then narrowed his eyes mischievously.

“Well, if you’re the one offering to take me,” Sugawara slid closer to Daichi, finally releasing Hinata. He stumbled slightly but rested a hand on his hip with the same expression he showed Hinata earlier. Hinata rolled his eyes, slightly amused and slightly relieved to be out of his clutches. Daichi turned bright red and said something quietly to Sugawara.

“Bye Hinata.” Daichi smiled kindly. “Congrats on the new apartment. And good luck,” Daichi said with a confused expression. He must have gathered that Sugawara was egging Hinata on to do something, but apparently didn’t know what.

“Thanks,” Hinata said sincerely, trying to telepathically send his extreme gratitude without outright saying ‘You saved me from one hell of an embarrassing conversation.’ “Have a good night!” Daichi looked sideways at the man that was hanging on him, with slight embarrassment in his eyes, but thanked Hinata as he headed out the door.

The rest of the night, Hinata had thought about what Sugawara said. How could he open up to Kageyama? He didn’t have many secrets except… the one. Maybe he could start by showing him his passion? Daichi told Hinata once that he became a different person when he drew, but Hinata couldn’t see how. 

It was fairly successful though, Hinata decided. He got to see Kageyama’s drawing skills. Kageyama was right—he was not very good at drawing. But he had potential in him that Hinata really wanted to bring out. The concentration in his eyes as he sketched quietly held the same energy that he put into a cup of coffee, albeit more frustrated and less graceful. 

When Hinata finally laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling, his thoughts became preoccupied with his next step. What would he teach Kageyama? How do you go back to being a beginner at something you’ve done for years? More importantly, was this truly the way to reach Kageyama? Is drunk Sugawara’s advice really that sound? Hinata was so focused on the next step that he didn’t realize he made it a whole day without thinking about Haruka.

  
  


Hinata slept in much later than he usually would. The party left him particularly tired, so he didn’t wake up until almost noon. He awoke to some clattering in the kitchen, confusing Hinata’s barely awake self. Then memories of the previous night jolted him as he realized the state his house must be in.

Hinata entered the kitchen to find Kuroo and Kenma cleaning the kitchen. Kenma was working on dishes as Kuroo swept with a swagger in his step.

“Yo,” Kuroo said, flashing a peace sign. 

“Morning!” Hinata said cheerfully, taking inventory of the room. A lot of the mess had been cleaned up, and most people that spent the night were already gone. Tanaka was still passed out on the couch, arms and legs sprawled in a way that Hinata thought couldn’t possibly be comfortable. His face however did not reveal whatever discomfort he may have felt, amusingly. From Tanaka’s expression, he may well be on a king-sized foam mattress.

There were many paper plates and plastic cups littering the room, but the apartment was otherwise clean. Hinata felt bad for not participating in the clean up, but Kenma indicated no grudge against him.

“Do you work today?” Kenma asked without turning from the dishes. Hinata assumed he was talking to him.

“No, but I do plan on going to the cafe,” Hinata answered. 

“Well, tell Kageyama I said hello.” Kenma requested.

“Do you want help cleaning up more?” Hinata asked. He felt bad leaving the rest of the cleaning to the two. 

“No, I don’t mind,” Kenma said. “Kuroo’s here to help.” Kuroo pretended to scoff at the cleaning, though he was visibly enjoying the chores he was working on. Hinata thanked the two before making his way out the door.

Hinata rarely enjoyed the trip to the cafe; he always had to ride the subway, which was always too packed to sit. Now that he moved into his apartment, he was close enough to walk. He strolled along the sidewalk of the bustling street, basking in the sunny day. He decided he wouldn’t mind doing this often.

He finally reached the cafe, and met Kageyama’s eyes when he walked in. Kageyama looked particularly pissed, and Hinata had half a mind to turn and walk out. He approached the counter nevertheless.

“Hey bakageyama. What’s with the angry eyes?” Hinata asked, poking him from across the counter.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Kageyama said, annoyed. 

“He got asked out again,” Sugawara explained, leaning against the register. He had dark circles under his eyes, and looked to be in pain, but smiled in a knowing way. Hinata didn’t know if Sugawara remembered last night, but his words had a tone that Hinata didn’t like.

“Oh?” Hinata said, trying to hide any bitterness he held towards Kageyama’s mystery admirer. “How did that go?” Kageyama scowled.

“He told her no. Again.” Sugawara chuckled.

Hinata’s mouth fell open. “Again?” Kageyama looked increasingly irritated with the conversation.

“This is the third time,” He said with a bite to his words. “I don’t know how to get her off my back.” 

“You could… Tell her you’re dating someone already,” Sugawara suggested, studying his nails with a smirk that only Hinata could see. 

“I can’t do that.” Kageyama shook his head. “I’m not a good liar. And no should be good enough for her.”   
“Well,” Sugawara said, straightening his posture and wincing at the movement. “Obviously it isn’t so far. Maybe you can get someone in on the plan, so she’ll have no choice but to believe you. Y’know,” Sugawara put his hand on his hip like a teenage girl. “Like fake dating.” Kageyama looked at Sugawara menacingly. Before Hinata could stop himself, he spoke up.

“I’ll do it.”

Kageyama turned back to Hinata, missing Sugawara’s fist pump. Comically, Sugawara did a small dance behind Kageyama’s back. He was going to kill him for it later.

“You don’t have to do that,” Kageyama said. “You don’t need to get wrapped up in my problems.” 

“It’s no big deal to me,” Hinata said. “I mean, as long as you don’t mind pretending to be gay.” He quickly added. 

“That’s not what I care about. I couldn’t care less about what she thinks of me,” Kageyama quickly said. “Being gay isn’t insulting to me. But you’re already getting over a break up. Do you really want more drama?”

“Kageyama,” Hinata said seriously. “This sounds like the most hilarious plot I’ve ever heard of. Of course I’ll do it for you.” Sugawara seemed too content to listen to this conversation. Kageyama thought really hard about it. 

“Okay. You only have to be ready to join in if she doesn’t believe me, so you might not even have to do anything.” Kageyama said decisively. Hinata smiled assuringly.

“So, are you ready for your first art lesson tonight?” Hinata asked.

“Art lesson?” Sugawara asked, almost more interested than before. “Are you the teacher, Hinata?”

“Yeah,” Kageyama nodded. “He said I have potential.” Sugawara gave Hinata a secret thumbs up behind Kageyama’s back, quickly hiding it as Kageyama turned around.

“Will you stop being weird?” Kageyama snapped. “I don’t know what’s up with you, but you’re acting really stupid.” Sugawara laughed, walking away.

“Is he okay?” Kageyama asked Hinata. “He was being weird last night too.” 

“Yeah, it’s an inside joke,” Hinata quickly explained. “I think he’s just tired.” Kageyama looked skeptical, but accepted the explanation. 

“Should I go to your apartment?” Kageyama asked. Hinata nodded. 

“I have most of my supplies moved in now, so that should work.” 

Hinata got his coffee and began his pleasant stroll back to the apartment, even happier than he was before. Yep, he decided. The trip between his apartment and the cafe was definitely something he was going to enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont know when I'll get the next chapter out, but it should be within the next couple days! definitely not a full week like this last update though!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama has an internal conflict.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! Life is rough but writing gives me an intermission sometimes.  
> Interesting plot points are coming, and I'm excited to see what you think!

Kageyama was pissed. He didn’t like people that didn’t take no for an answer. Especially when confessing to him. He wished the world would take a hint and stay far away from him.

He didn’t necessarily  _ not _ want a relationship, but he couldn’t stand the idea of being in a relationship with a stranger. Even if it was a casual hook up with a pretty girl.

That’s not what this girl wanted though. Her confession was that of a secret admirer. Kageyama couldn’t remember ever seeing her before, but she insisted that she had been in love with him for months. Kageyama scoffed at the memory. She was just being stupid.

Beyond his reluctance to be with a total stranger, he didn’t know if he was ready for relationships in general. He had so much to figure out about himself, and he didn’t want to stick someone with unnecessary baggage like that.

He was afraid of this new plan; he wished he could figure out his problems and not drag Hinata along with them. But Hinata seemed more than willing. And it didn’t seem too stupid. If she didn’t leave him alone when he told her he was in a relationship, then she must be literal scum. Kageyama figured it would at least convince her that he wasn’t going to say yes. And if the relationship card didn’t convince her, maybe the gay card would.

Kageyama paused. Was he straight? He’d never thought about it before. He’d never needed to, because he’d never been interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. But now that the seed was planted in his head, he couldn’t help thinking about it. 

The more he considered it, the less he could see himself romantically with a girl. But men…    
Kageyama stopped himself from considering it before he could seriously imagine a scenario like that. His face flushed and he suddenly became very paranoid that the people around him could tell what he was thinking. 

“Earth to Kageyama,” Sugawara said, waving a hand in front of his face. Kageyama had zoned out. “Your shift is almost over.” Kageyama sighed and nodded, not sure how to explain himself. “Is the plan freaking you out too much?” Sugawara asked. Kageyama jumped on the excuse.

“Kinda? But just because I’ve never--” Kageyama stopped himself, but Sugawara happily finished.   
“Dated anyone? We knew, Kageyama.” Kageyama crossed his arms in annoyance, but Sugawara continued. “You know, you could if you wanted to.” Kageyama stood with his mouth agape, not sure how to reply, but Sugawara wasn’t finished. “You are the one turning down girls constantly. I’ve seen you reject at least ten girls just in the last  _ year _ . Maybe you should think about why you’re turning them down.” Sugawara had that tone that he kept using with Hinata, and Kageyama didn’t like it. 

“I still don’t know what you keep implying, and it’s driving me insane at this point.”

“That’s okay,” Sugawara said kindly. “You will figure it out. And,” Sugawara looked at him with an eyebrow raised. “I’ll be laughing when you do.” Sugawara turned back to the pad he was writing in. “Hinata’s pretty cute isn’t he?” Sugawara said, holding back a grin. 

Kageyama cocked his head, confused. “Yeah, I guess.” Kageyama kind of agreed; Hinata was attractive by most standards. His tattoos and piercings and confident stance were definitely something. Kageyama didn’t know if cute was the word for it. Most people would describe that more like…

Hot. Kageyama quickly turned before Sugawara could see the blush creeping back on to his face. And now he was faced with the internal conflict he’d started with.

“Now he sees it,” Sugawara said nonchalantly, still writing on the notepad. Kageyama didn’t process his words, though. It was time for him to clock out, and he was more than eager to leave.

Kageyama was still overthinking when he stood at Hinata’s door, ready to knock. He was afraid his embarrassment showed too transparently on his face. He didn’t know if he liked Hinata like that, but the total confusion he felt about this identity crisis didn’t help him much. But Hinata answered the door as enthusiastically as usual, and his concerns were temporarily forgotten.

“Welcome!” Hinata hurried him in. “I have a plan for today!” 

“You sound like a teacher,” Kageyama grumbled as he stepped inside. 

“I am!” Hinata declared. “And you’re a student. You’ll just have to live with it.” Kageyama hid a small smile from him.

He sat on the floor of Hinata’s living room, where two large sheets of paper lay, along with several boxes.

“We’re going to start with really simple things,” Hinata began. He pulled a few blocks from one of the boxes. 

“Natsu’s toys?” Kageyama said, unimpressed. He wanted to draw something cooler today.

“Don’t say it like that!” Hinata replied. “It’s important to learn the basics. You can’t learn to like the taste of coffee if you can’t…If you...” Hinata reached for something wise. “If you haven’t learned to swallow it!” Kageyama thought that was stupid, but he appreciated the effort. “Either way, if you don’t need to do this, then it should be easy and we’ll move on.”

Kageyama didn’t get to try very soon, because he couldn’t get the outlines of the shapes right. He tried to match Hinata’s outline, but got reprimanded for it.

“The shapes that I see are not the same as the shapes you see. You have to draw it from your perspective!”

But he couldn’t. It looked so flat and stupid. He groaned in frustration, realizing that his triangular blocks didn’t even look like blocks. But Hinata kept drawing, ignoring the frustration of the other party. Kageyama couldn’t help but watch as Hinata absorbed himself into such a menial task. He treated each block like the most important block as he drew, and finally finished a rough sketch of the outlines of each block. 

Kageyama wondered at all of the spare lines criss-crossing the shapes. Why didn’t he erase them? But then, Hinata started filling in one of the blocks and Kageyama watched in awe as the block transformed into something indiscernible from the physical blocks, aside from being in black and white. He got the grooves and small notches too, small details that Kageyama couldn’t even try to notice when he was too caught up in the larger details.

And Hinata’s face was something he’d never seen. Kageyama had never seen such calmness come from the red head. There was total focus in his eyes and he bit his lip ever so slightly as he drew. His hands moved in short, precise movements that resulted in such perfect lines.

Kageyama was in awe. Hinata finally finished the details on a second block when his hand froze, like he’d realized something important. He looked up at Kageyama. 

“I should be showing you how to do this,” He said, slightly embarrassed. “The key is to draw exactly what you see, and nothing else.” He turned the page, and Kageyama was almost sad to see the work left unfinished. “Once you have the basics down, you can make things up and work on developing a style. But you discover those things as you get more experienced, and knowing how to draw what you see is only going to help.”

On the new sheet of paper, he moved to sit closer to Kageyama. Kageyama held his breath.

“I’ll try to do this as closely to how you see the blocks, but no matter what, the shapes will look slightly different to you. Just because your view is different from mine.” Hinata pointed to a block. “Break things down into lines and shapes. Your bias about how the shape  _ should _ look is messing with what your eyes see. I think that’s the biggest obstacle in art,” Hinata pondered. “If we could draw exactly what we saw, it wouldn’t be hard. The hard part is trying to figure out how much of your own intuition into the drawing. The parts you can’t get from looking at an image. The  _ impression _ of the object.” Hinata shook his head, probably realizing how off topic he strayed. Kageyama was interested in what he was saying though. 

“I thought I was drawing what I saw, though,” Kageyama insisted. He felt like a child complaining about the criticisms of his parents.

“You were,” Hinata said. “You were drawing what you saw, and what you thought you saw. Your mind was filling in the blanks that didn’t make sense. Watch this,” Hinata pointed at the bottom of the shape. “Start with something that can be a reference for the rest of the drawing. If you start with the shape far away from you, you can get confused. I like to start with the line at the bottom, here,” Hinata began drawing a horizontal line. “It can be any size, but you have to be consistent. Then, the height of the shape is the same length, so you can draw that.” Hinata decomposed the drawing, explaining every line he placed. Kageyama noted how lightly he drew at first, following along until finally he got a rough sketch. 

It was disproportionate in places, and definitely not perfect, but he was really proud of how the new drawing compared to the old one. He wondered if he could do the same when Hinata wasn’t around. He didn’t get to fill in the shapes because it was getting late.

“Next time you come over, we’ll talk about shading,” Hinata promised. 

“Yeah. Same time tomorrow?” Kageyama asked, trying not to sound too eager. 

“Sure, same time tomorrow.” Hinata agreed.

Kageyama sat in the dark of his room, finally able to think in the peace of his home. A lot happened that day, and he had a lot to think about. 

That’s when he remembered the conflict he was met with before. He almost didn’t want to think about it, but he pulled out his laptop anyway. Kageyama held his cursor over his web browser, afraid of someone looking at his search history and seeing his dumb question. He did it anyway.

“Am I gay?” 

Kageyama scowled at how childish the question sounded. He felt like a teenager that just discovered the internet. The search led him to a website with a small quiz. Foolishly, he looked over his shoulder, afraid someone was hiding behind him and watching.

He started to work through the quiz, growing more sure of the answer as he completed each question.

“Have you ever been romantically interested in someone of the opposite gender?” No.

“Have you ever been romantically interested in someone of the same gender?” Kageyama didn’t think he’d been romantically interested in anyone yet. So no.

“Have you ever thought about kissing someone of the opposite gender?” No.

“Have you ever thought about kissing someone of the same gender?”

Kageyama blushed. He had not thought about it. He tried to think about it, imagining some faceless man leaning into him. Nothing. Until the face of the man morphed into one he knew. Someone with red hair, and a delectable lip piercing…

Kageyama quickly exited the browser and shut his computer. He didn’t know if he was gay, but he had some thoughts about one specific man. One that he was, quite unfortunately, pretending to date. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks a bunch for reading! Please leave comments. I would love to know what you think and how my writing can improve.


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